Greetings Earthlings, here is the full story of “Alanzo and the Cactus Witch”. I think of myself as a narrative artist. I create standalone paintings that follow a short narrative. Although I started painting in 2009, this was my first full series created with the narrative intention. These paintings were created between 2020 and 2021.

In future blogs, I hope to catalogue all of my weird stories—all set in my imaginary world of the Southwestern Bellows. Enjoy!

“Alanzo and the Cactus Witch”

By Mark Rogers

The Cactus Witch lived in a little desert cottage just south of Dead Chapel in a land called, the Southwestern Bellows. She wasn’t the most famous Witch or Wizard in the Southwestern Bellows--for there were many--but she was known for her cactus-based potions, poisons, and mystical drugs. It was said that the Cactus Witch had the feet of a bird. It was also said that she was on good terms with the Aliens.

One Halloween the Cactus Witch took on a teenage apprentice named Alanzo Boone. Alanzo had been a terrible disappointment to his father who wished for Alanzo to make something of himself and become a professional outlaw. Alanzo, however, seemed too dull and sensitive for the craft of banditry and fainted at the sight of blood. So, thinking that his son might excel at poisoning he reached out to the Cactus Witch, of whom he was a longtime customer. The Cactus Witch gladly accepted Alanzo, but not because she thought he would make a good student or become an adept poisoner, but because she needed the money, and truth be told, she was lonely.

The Cactus Witch had so much to teach a young apprentice like Alanzo, for she had been a Witch for hundreds of years, maybe more. The Cactus Witch moved slowly like a tortoise, her taloned toes clicking on the tiles and stones. It seemed like she had been old forever. All her friends were now long dead, but they had been few to begin with, for the Cactus Witch was a solitary creature, preferring the company of plants and animals to humans, yet she sensed something special about Alanzo. She watched him curiously place his hand on a prickly pear and recoil in pain as the spines stabbed his palm, only to attempt the same thing a minute later. He did this for almost an hour, and the Cactus Witch thought, this boy isn’t very bright. Regardless, she was smiling, which felt unnatural because she hadn’t smiled in quite a long time.

The Cactus Witch first showed Alanzo how to make Lizard’s Kiss, an herbal remedy that would cure a burned tongue and make it possible to see in the dark. Although he couldn’t remember the plant names, their properties, and portions, she hoped he would improve over time.

The Witch then showed him how to make an extremely addictive drug called Cherub’s Cheek, which made the user drunk and good-looking. The Cactus Witch shared her recipe for Ghost Owls, a delicious and healthy cactus cookie that caused remote viewing, strong toenails, and confidence. She almost taught him how to make Tears of the Black Rainbow, which caused rainbow-colored tears and gross face-melting, when she realized that her teachings were quite over his head.

"Alanzo and the Cactus Witch" 18x24 Oil on Panel 2020

Truth be told, Alanzo proved to be an awful apprentice. The Cactus Witch also tried teaching him about cactus and herbs, basic alchemy, and beginner magick for the next several months, but Alanzo was not smart enough to grasp the concepts. There was one exception, however, and that was shapeshifting.

Through a performance of lewd and rude gestures, obscene poetry, and the consumption of a stinky cactus-based potion, the Cactus Witch could transform into her spirit animal: The great horned owl. In owl form, she would soar silently over the desert hunting for rats, snakes, and small to medium-sized children. The Cactus Witch shared this secretly guarded practice with young Alanzo whose spirit animal was a raccoon. It worked. Shapeshifting was no easy feat and Alanzo appeared to be a savant.

With the mounting garbage situation at Witch’s cottage, she hoped he would shapeshift and eat the trash. Which he did on occasion!

Yet, this was the extent of his usefulness, nevertheless, the Cactus Witch quickly grew fond of the sweet, dull boy.

Weirdly, Alanzo possessed one other surprising and rare talent that almost made up for his lack of brains. He had perfect pitch and an amazing voice. One afternoon while sweeping the cottage Alanzo was singing a made-up tune about the distant mountains, when three brown-necked ravens, a roadrunner, a baby bobcat, and a kangaroo rat, gathered to hear him sing. The nearby saguaro stood taller and the sun shone brighter while he sang his song.

When it became obvious that Alanzo would never become a professional poisoner, the Cactus Witch stopped teaching him altogether and assigned him simple chores around the cottage. She enjoyed his company and loved listening to him sing while she tended to her cactus and potions.

"A Lesson in Shapeshifting" 18X24 Oil on Panel 2021

Later, around the summer solstice, Alanzo spotted three black triangles on the horizon: Sky Ships with twinkling lights. The sight gave Alanzo a cold and creepy feeling like the triangles were looking right at him. He had never seen one before but knew about them from his father. He pointed them out to the Witch, who had been brewing an especially deadly potion that smelled like sugar cookies. Although her eyes weren’t what they used to be, she confirmed his sighting but wasn’t surprised, for she had lived in the area her entire life, and was well-acquainted with the many mysteries of this desert including the robed gray-skinned beings that captained the flying machines.

“The immortal ones, the Zeta Reticulans,” she said. “They dwell in the mountain caves to the South. I have a…relationship with them. The Aliens. They have surfaced for the ritual. They are letting me know that it is time.”

The next day she had Alanzo help her prepare. She drew a chalk circle outside and had Alanzo move and arrange many decorative cactuses within the circle. Candles were lit. When dusk arrived, she recited the ancient incantation taught to her by her great, great grandmother, who had been a formatable Cactus Witch in her day. A weird wind stirred the sands and ruffled Alanzo’s felt bolero. Silent but smelling strongly of sulfur, the entities materialized within the circle. A trickle of pee dribbled down Alanzo’s pant leg and his face grew clammy. He wanted to run, but he felt like he couldn’t move. Before him stood four humanoids, all robed in black with rubbery skin, and obsidian eyes. And that was all Alanzo witnessed of the ritual for his knees buckled and he dropped to the desert, unconscious.

"Ritual Cactus Offering" 18x24 Oil on Panel 2020

The Cactus Witch wanted to help him but, when the ritual begins, it must continue until the end. He missed her offering the Zeta Reticulans their usual tribute of cute decorative cacti, that she had lovingly grown from seedlings. The usual formalities were observed, the covenant was upheld, and after the dances were completed, the Aliens were thanked and the circle was broken. Watching their Sky Ship dart across the vista, the Cactus Witch couldn’t help but notice that they took a strong interest in young Alanzo. Looking upon the unconscious boy, she wondered if perhaps it was a mistake that she had invited the youth to join her ritual.

Indeed the Zeta Reticulans were interested in Alanzo, for his low intelligence made it easy for them to enter his mind. For the next few months, they visited him nightly while he slept. The Zeta Reticulans would take shape under the stars and effortlessly slide into his dreams. His intelligent thoughts were few, but his emotions were many and they savored his emotions like one might savor a delicious sugar cookie, warm and fresh from the oven. They shared all his hopes and his fears. Especially his fears. They marveled at Alanzo's love for the old Cactus Witch and relished his fear of blood and banditry; especially the fear of his father. The Zeta Reticulans learned that Alanzo--while living at the cottage and apprenticing to the Cactus Witch--was truly happy for the first time in his young life. Then Alanzo killed the Cactus Witch.

A few weeks later, while making their morning coffee, Alanzo began to hum a tune. It wasn’t long before he was dancing in the tiny kitchen. This happened often. The Cactus Witch peeked in at him, smiled, and shook her old head before shuffling outside to wait for him to bring the coffee. While grinding the beans Alanzo became so enraptured in his tune, that he failed to notice that a tortoise had wandered in from the desert to listen to him sing. Alanzo, now whirling to his music, tripped on the tortoise’s shell and slammed into a shelf containing many glass vials and potion jars. Thankfully nothing broke, but several vials opened and inky noxious-smelling liquid splashed everywhere. Alanzo’s musical spell was broken and he raced to clean up the mess so the Cactus Witch wouldn’t be mad at him. Moments later he brought out a tray, the coffee pot, and mugs as if nothing had happened.

Cactus Witch took a sip of her steaming coffee and then a torrent of rainbow-colored tears gushed from her eyes. Moments later, her face melted like hot cheese revealing the grinning skull. The Cactus Witch dropped to the ground dead as desert dirt. Alanzo had accidentally poisoned his poison-making instructor with the most lethal poison in her repertoire: Tears of the Black Rainbow.

For the next three days, Alanzo racked with guilt, alternated between sleeping and crying, only leaving his hammock to use the outhouse. Finally, summoning the courage to touch her lifeless form, Alanzo painstakingly constructed a coffin. He dug a grave and adorned the site with candles and sweet-smelling succulents. Alanzo then held an impromptu funeral for the Cactus Witch, the best friend he had ever had and the only person who had shown him a pinch of kindness. That day he sang the saddest song ever heard by human and non-human ears alike. The rocks teared up, the snakes sighed, the sun wept, and the cactuses cried. He sang to the old goddess who dwelt in the oasis, the forgotten ones who ruled over wind and land, and immortal beings who dwelt in the mountains. And they answered his song.

"A Witch's Funeral" 18x24 Oil on Panel 2021

A triangular Sky Ship like the ones Alanzo had seen several months prior arrowed across the horizon and halted in mid-air above the gravesite, its many lights twinkling. What happened next would be hard for Alanzo to articulate, because time seemed to lengthen and stretch as the Zeta Reticulans brought Alanzo and the Witch’s body onto their flying vessel. The flight lasted mere seconds, because soon after they were transporting the Witch’s corpse from the hull of the Sky Ship to a mountainside.

Alanzo watched in fascination as the Zeta Reticulans began a magickal necromantic operation consisting of hand gestures, telepathic incantations, and the manifestation of glowing runes that hung like ghostly storefront signs above their heads--a physical manifestation of their magick. Then, in a convergence of power, a bright and cold portal opened up at the Witch’s taloned feet, and the Zeta Reticulans entered this realm and spent what felt like months battling demons and other entities until they located and secured the Witch’s soul. Again, time stretched and twisted, and although Alanzo knew the process was taking a long time--maybe even a year or more--the whole thing seemed to last for about three and a half seconds. The Aliens then repaired her melted face and finally reinstalled her soul.

"Elemental Resurrection" 20x30 Oil on Panel 2021

The Cactus Witch sat up, fresh and beautiful again as she had been in her youth. Alanzo, at a loss for words, both overjoyed and amazed, tried to apologize for poisoning her but the Cactus Witch was distracted by the extraterrestrials, who were leading them to the top of a mesa and had something to show her.

Over the years the Cactus Witch had offered many decorative cactus to the Zeta Reticulans in tribute and unbeknownst to the Witch, the Aliens had used their weird magickal science to create a composite creature out of the many cactuses that the Witch had gifted them. No one could be sure why they did such a thing. The motivations of the immortal Zeta Reticulans are unfathomable to the humans, but this seemed like an appropriate time to introduce the Cactus Witch to their creation, a Cactus Lord, made from the cacti she had grown and gifted.

The Cactus Lord, covered in millions of spines, towered over Alanzo and the Cactus Witch, swaying slightly in the breeze as it emanated wisdom and power. It held them with the unblinking gaze of its one huge eye. Telepathically, it addressed the Cactus Witch as “Old Mother” and Alanzo as “Young Brother.” It then presented Alanzo and the Cactus Witch with…a business plan.

"An Audience With A Lord" 36X24 Oil on Panel 2021

Unbelievably the Cactus Lord described a sensible scenario in which Alanzo worked for the Cactus Witch as her sales representative. In this role, Alanzo would travel from town to town, selling her wares and using his gift of song and performance to interest potential customers in her cactus-based potions, mystical drugs, and exotic poisons. It made sense. The Cactus Witch had always been lonely and bad with money… and Alanzo needed a purpose in life… The Cactus Witch wasn’t sure if Alanzo was bright enough for such a duty, but she was willing to give him a shot. Alanzo positively beamed! He loved the idea, but then he remembered his father.

Father Boone would never let him become a singing salesman. He expected Alanzo to become an outlaw or a poisoner at the very least. Alanzo wanted to be her singing sales representative more than anything but feared disobeying his father’s wishes. He voiced his concerns to the Witch, the Aliens, and the Cactus Lord, and the Aliens telepathically admitted that they had been entering Alanzo’s dreams. They knew all about the dilemma with his father.

Suddenly, a portal opened with a creak like an old door, and one of the Immortal Zeta Reticulans, a Level 2 Nightmare Whisper, emerged and presented Alanzo Boone with a gift. The gift was his father’s freshly severed head.

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