“This is a Computer” 16x20 Oil on Panel 2023. The Mentorship Program 7/9

🍪Ballard Diffenback, a cookie salesman for the Telegraph Cookie Company traveled to Temple Island in an attempt to establish an account with a settlement of extraterrestrials known as the Pleiadians. But, instead of landing the cookie account, Ballard was forced to participate in their Elite Mentorship Program for Successful Achievers…upon penalty of death.

💼Late into the program, Ballard was introduced to a personal computer. Ballard had never before seen such a machine before and the hyper-advanced alien technology made him uncomfortable.

💀According to the Pleiadians, they worked all day on these “computers” making content. They worked off-world as lifestyle influencers, entrepreneurial coaches, and productivity gurus and now it was Ballard’s turn. Here we see the Pleiadian’s leader, Eff Mager, instructing the cookie salesman on how to script the perfect, most engaging reel for social media.

🛶It was at that moment that Ballard knew he would never survive the alien’s Elite Mentorship Program for High Achievers. If he wanted to live, he needed to escape the island.

”Online Life Coach” 16x20 oil on panel 2023. The Mentorship Program 5/9.

🐬Here we see the “online life coach” that was assigned to cookie salesman, Ballard Diffenback, during his Mentorship Program with the Pleiadians. Ballard had only an 1800s concept of technology and thought that the computer interface was some sort of magick mirror.

💀Ballard suspected that the man in the magick mirror wished to hurt him physically.

🦀“Meditation Instructor” 18x24 Oil on Panel 2023.

The Mentorship Program 4/9.

✨🍪This scene takes place during the beginning of cookie salesman Ballard Diffenback’s mentorship program with the Pleiadians—which he was forced to participate in upon penalty of death.

🧘🏽✨Here we see Ballard receiving advanced spirituality lessons in meditation. According to the cookie salesman’s journal, he was forced to meditate for 3 days and at one point witnessed the cosmic crustacean, Squim-Ul’ Vehlgag, said to be the elder god and progenitor of the Pleiadian peoples. Due to the astronomical quantity of hallucinogens Ballard was forced to ingest, the authenticity of his visions is subject to debate.

LORE:

🦀According to ancient Pleiadian origin lore, the cosmic crustacean Squim-Ul’ Vehlgag, a Goddess of infinite love, hope, and compassion mated with an ice-cold dwarf planet and gave birth to a brood of beautiful, and self-absorbed children: the Pleiadians. To rebalance her negative karmic debt Squim-Ul’ Vehlgag seeks to devour each and every one of her vain offspring to rid the universe of their pretension.

✨Pleiadians fear crustaceans almost as much as they fear commitment.

✨”The Harsh Life Review” 18x24 Oil on Panel 2023. The Mentorship Program 3/9.

✨According to the journal of the late Ballard Diffenback, he traveled to Temple Island on behalf of the Telegraph Cookie Company in hopes of selling snack subscriptions to the extraterrestrials who dwelled there. Unfortunately, the health-conscious Pleiadians deplored cookies and sugary treats of any kind.

✨Here we see the Pleiadian’s leader, Eff Majer, giving Ballard a brutal life review of sorts in which they extracted his memories in order to highlight his lifetime of shortcomings. The scathing replay of Ballard’s laughable deeds, thoughts, and actions took days.

✨When Ballard’s pitiful life review was over, the Pleiadians gave him the choice of public execution or the option to enroll in their elite coaching course for success, productivity, and personal growth. Ballard didn’t want to die, so he enrolled in the mentorship program.

✨This painting can be yours and will bring you many years of joy and success…at parties where your guests guess what is going on in this strange painting.

🐬🍪✨ “Ballard Meets the Pleiadians” 30x15 Oil on panel 2023. Painting 2/9 in “The Mentorship Program'' series.

🍪✨…And so Ballard Diffenback, a salesman from the Telegraph Cookie Company, was taken to see the extraterrestrial peoples who dwelt upon temple island. Back home, his colleagues thought he was a loon for attempting to pitch a snack subscription to the Pleiadians, let alone attempting to interact with these beings in the first place. Afterall, the Pleiandians had been banished from the mainland. Ballard, though, was trying to think outside the cookie jar, and figured that if these aliens resemble humans, then they might also enjoy wholesome human treats.

💀But, upon making contact with the extraterrestrials, Ballard quickly realized the folly of his optimism. For one thing, these creatures deplored sugar.

✨PLEIADIANS FROM LEFT TO RIGHT:

🐬PETER: Dolphin/Human-Hybrid engineered to function as a coastal patrol officer and friendship ranger.

📓EFF MAGER: Leader of the Pleiadians; in charge of leadership, planning, goal setting, to-do lists, productivity, success, and bullet journaling.

🏋️DEE MINER: In charge of spirituality and lifting weights.

🪄SEE MINER: In charge of positivity. She holds a scepter that can emit a beam of pure cheer…and memory loss.

🦈DETER: Shark/Human-Hybrid. In charge of eating the living. 🩸🩸🩸

👋 NOTE: The waving gesture with the pinky sticking out is a Pleiadian hand sign that means: “Greetings, inferior being who is pathetic and sad to look upon because you are not successful and hot.”

🍪Gosh…poor Ballard began to wonder if this business trip was a mistake.🥲

🐬🍪✨“Have a Cookie” 16x20 Oil on panel 2023. Painting 1/9 in “The Mentorship Program'' series.

🍪 Ballard Diffenback, an enterprising sales representative for the Telegraph Cookie Company hoped to land a cookie contract with the alien peoples that inhabited Temple Island. They were called, the Pleiadians, and Ballard thought that these aliens, like humans, would enjoy eating cookies.

🐬 Ballard had just landed on the shores of Temple Island when he was greeted by one of the Plaedians’ genetically engineered coastal patrol officers; a telepathic hybrid entity named, Peter.

💀Well…. Peter the dolphin-hybrid enjoyed cookies, but the same can’t be said of the Plaedians….

✨I am so excited to share the new series with all of you!!! Grab this painting before it is gone!!

🔮 “Crystal Baby” 16x20 Oil on Panel 2023. This one was a rare commissioned work: extraterrestrial newlyweds along with their pets and newborn baby.

🔮Among the Zeta Reticulans, newborn human offspring are often stored inside crystals and given as seasonal and traditional gifts. If you are searching for a gift to give to a loved one this year, you can’t go wrong with a crystal baby.

🔮They are the perfect gift for:

*White Elephant Parties

*Father’s Day

*Karate Month

*Baby showers (why not add another baby to the mix!)

*Toyotafest 2024

*Coming of Age Clown Cruises (A brutal right of passage in which a child becomes an adult taking a horrifying voyage on a pleasure cruise along with 150 zany clowns.)

*Retirement

*Competitive Porridge Competition Grand Prizes

*And Graduations!

🔮ARTIST NOTE: I am not really sure what a baby looks like, so I just tried my best on this one. Have a great day Earthlings and have a Happy Karate Month!!

🌵✨ “The Gorgowrath’s End” 36x36 oil on panel 2023. I painted this one for the @hifructosemag curated show at @archenemyarts October 2023.

✨For an entire summer, the people of Tortoise Hill were tormented by a demon calling himself, the Gorgowrath. It was said that Gorgowarth forced the townsfolk of Tortoise Hill to sew him elegant casual wear and when they ran out of materials, he kicked apart their homes and squished the citizens under his giant boots.

🏜According to the testimony of one Albina Stump, a clerk for the Telegraph Trade Company, she reported seeing the horrible Gorgowrath bound across the desert toward her caravan. Just as Albina was making to flee, another tremendous being suddenly materialized before her. It was a towering Zeta Reticulan elder; one of the gray aliens and nearly as tall as the demon.

🌵She reported being placed under the influence of a supernatural paralysis for the next few moments as the Zeta Reticulan appeared to have a telepathic conversation with the Gorgowrath, who seemed to be struggling. The Zeta Reticulan then picked up one of the covered wagons and vanished along with the Gorgowrath.

👽Albina Stump would like to think that the giant alien had saved her, but it seemed more likely that the demon was taken against his will in the same manner that humans are sometimes taken. What the aliens wanted with the Gorgowrath, we can only speculate, but that was the last known sighting of the fancy and elegantly dressed demon.

✨Some believe the Gorgowrath was taken to be fitted for an exotic robe…the kind that the aliens wear. 👘

✨🦅 “The Gorgowrath” 36x36 Oil on Panel 2023

🧙🏼‍♂️The most powerful magician in the Southwestern Bellows was called, Lamp Black, and he was a sorcerer cursed with the ultimate power of creation. Cursed, for whenever this sorcerer created a thing of good, he was unwillingly compelled to create a thing of evil.

🐢This was true in the case of the Talking Turtles of Tortoise Hill. Before Lamp Black discovered the bipolar nature of his magick, it was said that he cast a spell to bring joy and tourism to the desolate desert community. Lamp Black’s spell gifted all of the tortoises and turtles in that town with the ability to speak, and as you would imagine, they were charming conversationalists.

🦅But…in casting this innocent enchantment, Lamp Black inadvertently created the Gorgowrath.

🌵 The towering Gorgowrath was a demon capable of indescribable drama. It forced the residents of Tortoise Hill to sew him fancy clothes and little hats. They sadly suffered large-scale tomfoolery as well as property damage.

NOTE: The Gorgowrath isn’t wearing a t-shirt with a skull on it. (Like I am right now.) It has an actual skull for a stomach. 💀

✨👣 “The Primordial Conjunction” 30x24 Oil on Panel 2023. Painting 9/9 in the Primordial Conjunction Series.

🌲✨🙏🏽Then the newlywed Bigfoot couple, Clarinda Moondew and Applebear Stonetree combined their mystic and primeval energies and opened a portal into the ancient past. There, during the late Cretaceous era, they would build a nest out of sticks and rocks, and leaves, and Clarinda would lay many Sasquach eggs.

🦶🏾✨👽Slowly over generations, the Bigfoot community would expand in secret, always keeping to the remote woods where they would pass along their knowledge, their songs, and their magick to their next of kin; all the while evolving, all the time awaiting the arrival of the Quartz Embassy--the Zeta Reticulan Mothership--that would take them to the next planet, where the cycle would begin all over again, as it has since the beginning of time.

💚Have a beautiful evening everyone!🛸

✨“Primeval Goddess” 18x24 Oil on Panel 2023. Just head over to my site. Painting 8/9 in The Primordial Conjunction Series.

🌛Story continued…

…And it was thought that Applebear Stonetree’s sweetheart had been shot dead by a Bigfoot Hunter who was in fact aiming for Applebear. Clarinda Moondew had been her name, and only a day earlier she had been wed to Applebear. Clarinda lay cold and pale on the Earth and Applebear, consumed by rage had turned his fiery anger upon the Bigfoot Hunters.

🌜Then something wondrous happened: Clarinda sturred. To everyone’s awe, she stood and reached for her amulet--which looked very similar to the one that Applebear had been wearing--and removed it. And with that, Clarinda Moondew began to transform…

🌛She expanded growing taller, huskier, and hairier. Her eyebrows merged becoming a thick brow ridge. Her hands became leathery and calloused, her teeth jutted in an overbite, and her feet grew to a stupendous size. The smell was unbelievable.

🌜Not only was Clarinda Moondew alive, but she had transformed into a beautiful Bigfoot.

🔥”A Fiery Wrath” 20x30 Oil on Panel 2023. Painting 7 of 9 in the Primordial Conjunction Series.

🌲 Fifth-generation Bigfoot Hunter, Leota Hellencamp had lined up the shot of a lifetime…her big chance to take down the prize she had been stalking since the tender age of four. She took a breath and pulled the trigger.

🦶🏾Applebear Stonetree, majestic Sasquatch of the North Woods had been sharing a special moment with his new human bride, Clarinda Moondew, when he heard the bang, and felt the bullet graze his fur. Clarinda, his new love and the apple of his heart cried out and collapsed to the forest floor. There was some blood. And then she was dead.

😢 In that instant, Applebear’s entire world was blasted apart. Clarinda meant everything to him. She was the center of his universe. In the two days that he had known her, they had shared so much. They had grunted at the same jokes, enjoyed throwing rocks of all shapes and sizes, and they had even pulled bugs out of each other’s hair.

🔥He turned on Leota the hunter, along with her well-dressed accomplice, the naturalist and best selling author, Roll Scroggins. And behold...the rage of a Sasquatch.

**Note: Most Bigfoot experts agree that the creatures possess supernatural abilities like ghost vision, spirit ancestor conjuration, forest cloaking, portal manifestation, and rock throwing, but there are few alive who know that Bigfoot can breathe fire... almost as powerfully as dragons, but not quite.

🦶🏾🐲In fact, most forest fires are not caused by lightning, lava, or human carelessness, but by bigfoot breath....and also dragons. 🔥

“The Hairy Truth” 24x18 Oil on Panel 2023. Painting 6 of 9 in the Primordial Conjunction Series. This painting comes in a magickal black frame and can be found at: www.markrogersart.com/store US shipping only please (prints are still shipping internationally, of course.)

🌲👣Now that Applebear Stonetree and Clarinda Moondew were married, Applebear decided it was time to tell her the truth: He wasn’t human. Applebear was not the handsome man she thought he was, but a big musky Sasquatch using an extraterrestrial alteration amulet to pose as a human so that he could win her affection.

👣🌲And with that, he removed the magickal amulet and shapeshifted into his natural hulking form. To Clarinada’s credit, she didn’t flinch in fear nor turn away from this startling hair-covered reveal. Instead, she looked up into his yellow beast eyes and said that…she knew. She had known this whole time.

🌲👣Clarinda reached out to take Applebear’s hand, when---BANG!!---a shot was fired!!!

✨To be continued…..

🌜UPDATE: SOLD. “Nuptial Rite” 24x18 Oil on Panel 2023. Painting 5 of 9 in “The Primordial Conjunction” series.

🌲 Here we see Applebear Stonetree, Sasquatch of the Northern Woods, in his human form. Earlier this morning he met a mysterious woman named Clarinda Moondew, and now tonight, they are getting married.

🌹 To you or I it would seem sudden, but they had a lot in common. Applebear and Clarinda both loved the outdoors, they both enjoyed peanut butter and most importantly they both spoke the ancient Sasquatch dialect. What surprised Applebear were all of the wedding guests. It turned out that Clarinda Moondew had a lot of small and interesting friends.

🃏 DORKY BEHIND-THE-SCENES ART-MAKING NOTE: All of the stories for my painting series are prompted/inspired by a tarot spread that I pull for myself before I begin writing and making up characters. I pulled the cards for this series on Valentine’s Day 2022, and nearly every card in the spread had something to do with love and this painting was completed one day before Valentine’s Day 2023. There must be a magical significance here, although I am unsure what it is…

✨“The Awkward Ruse” 18x24 Oil on Panel 2023. ✨

🌲🦶🏾By the dark powers imbued within the mystical amulet gifted to him by the extraterrestrials, Applebear Stonetree, Sasquatch of the Northern Wood had transformed himself into a handsome human man in order to court the attractive female human he had witnessed traveling with the Bigfoot hunters several days prior.

🦶🏾🌲Applebear wanted to make a good first impression so he bounded wildly through the underbrush, waving his arms, trying to catch them by surprise. But it was Applebear who was surprised, for when he leaped out from behind some rocks, the attractive female human raised her hand, scratched her armpit (a Sasquatch greeting gesture) and addressed Applebear in the ancient language of his people.

✨And there was definitely a connection!

🌲🦶🏾Meanwhile Leota Hellencamp had never before witnessed such a spectacle and her partner, Roll Scroggins was speechless. She seriously considered shooting the unsettling man, for he seemed part beast. But then, he and the strange woman, who had recently joined their expedition, began grunting and gesticulating like a pair of cave people. Leota wasn’t sure what was going on here, but she definitely felt their connection.

They almost seemed to be…flirting??? 🥰

🌲✨”Becoming a Human" 18x24 Oil on Panel 2022.

✨🌲When Applebear Stonetree, Sasquatch of the Northern Wood, put on the Amulet given to him by the Zeta Reticulan Chaos Mage, he felt the dark energy take hold and the transmogrification begin. With unendurable slowness and yucky, bone-crunching noises, he shrank in size... his muscles vanished...his thick body hair fell out...he was suddenly wearing pants… And when the abominable metamorphosis ended the Bigfoot had transformed into a new and frightening creature of nearly indescribable horror.

🌲✨Through the power of extraterrestrial technology and forbidden arts, Applebear Stonetree Sasquatch of the Northern Wood had become a handsome man-human.

❤️Question: Would it be a deal breaker if your significant other revealed that they were actually a Sasquatch in human form? And would this revelation change the dynamic of your relationship? More hiking maybe?

🏅The Amulet" 16x20 oil on Panel 2022. Painting 2/9 in “The Primordial Conjunction” series.

👽🦶🏾🌲The proposed link between the Zeta Reticulan Grays and the legendary Sasquatch or bigfoot has been widely theorized and debated amongst top occult scientists, alien chasers, and paranormal normalizers alike. Here is that connection:

🛸 The Sasquatch and the Grays are related species.

👽🌲🦶🏾The Sasquatch are to the Grays as Chimpanzees are to Humans. The Grays may be the more intelligent and genetically evolved of the two species, but the dark technological evolution which lead to their immortality at the cost of their planet also destroyed their souls. Thus, they view the Sasquatch with reverence, as the Sasquatch are a reminder of what the Grays once were.

❤️…And so when Applebear Stonetree, Bigfoot of the Northwestern Wood in the Southwestern Bellows fell in love with a human woman, the Grays were most helpful in lending him the dark technology he would need to start…..dating🔥

🦶🏾🌲Secret Admirer" 18x24 Oil on Panel 2022. Painting 1 of 9 in "The Primordial Conjunction" series. (Sold)

🌲🦶🏾Professional adventurer Leota Hellencamp and her totally platonic companion, the naturalist, Roll Scroggs were on the hunt. Their quarry: the enigmatic and majestic Bigfoot. They had been exploring the Northwestern Woods of the Southwest Bellows for nine days when a beautiful and foul-smelling woman appeared in their midst. She spoke in grunts and primitive hand gestures, and it appears that she was interested in joining their hunting party.

🌲🦶🏾Meanwhile, a Sasquatch called Applebear Stonetree had been stealthily trailing the hunters for the last nine days and watched (or rather, smelled) the mysterious woman step out from behind an oak. Her musky odor was like a herd of sweaty elk.

🦶🏾🌲Applebear Stonetree, majestic Bigfoot of the Northwestern Woods…

Fell.

In.

Love.

❤️

“The Grand Recital" 24x30 Oil on Panel 2022. Painting 9 of 9 in the "Grand Recital Series."

👽Greetings Earthlings, this is the ninth and final painting in the "Grand Recital Series", which tells the story of Orren Mawson, a young man on a whirlwind quest to rescue his sister, Floy, who was abducted by subterranean, cave-dwelling extraterrestrials.

⚔️In the last scene (see "Battle in the Red Cavity") things were getting nuts. Orren and his magickal companions once again ventured underground, hoping to negotiate with the Zeta Reticulans for Floy's release, but when they got there, they found themselves in the midst of a violent skirmish with lots swear words and yellow alien blood. And just when things were reaching a crescendo:

🦖…All fighting ceased abruptly when a tall Mantoid appeared in the chamber with Floy. And she was holding her guitar. With unearthly poise she sat upon a throne and took a deep breath. ...And then Floy Mawson began her Grand Recital.

🎶 From Orren's perspective, Floy had been taken by the aliens two days prior, but in truth, she had been gone for much much longer. While Orren enlisted the help of powerful allies to aid in her rescue, Floy had attended masterclasses from the most elite performers in the universe and had been living off-world as a virtuoso guitarist. For the last hundred years, she had been taking music lessons from within a time-space vortex where nothing mattered but technique, musical excellence, and passion. Floy had mastered esoteric musical theory, cosmic time signatures, and extraterrestrial harmonies. She could play both forward and backward in time and she could play every note at once.

✨When her performance was over everyone cried....with relief. Floy was now a musical genius, but to listen to her music was torture.

🌈 The End.

“Battle in the Red Cavity” 18x24 Oil on Panel 2022. After getting sober, the legendary wizard Haxm Forehand felt that it was his moral obligation to help young Orren on his quest to rescue his sister Floy from the cave-dwelling extrreserials that had spirited her away two nights prior. The desert sorceress, Mora Fess, also joined the party and together, the three adventurers traveled upon flying carpet to the mine known as the Red Cavity, which was now known to be a subterranean outpost for the Zeta Reticulan Grays.

👽✨Over the years Haxm had several encounters with the Grays, and after healing one of their kind who had been shot by bandits, he believed himself to be on favorable terms with the aliens. His strategy for getting Floy back was to be one of negotiation and diplomacy.

👽🦖Things did not go according to plan however, for as soon as the party approached the Grays, the scene erupted into total chaos. Unbeknownst to the adventurers, they had been followed.

🦖🏜In addition to the Zeta Reticualn Grays, the deserts of the Southwestern Bellows were also home to an altogether different species of alien, sometimes referred to as the Reptilians or the Draconians. From what little Orren could make out, it seemed that the Reptilians “had finally discovered the location of the Ceremonial Science Temple” and for some reason or another, the Reptilians were raving about a forcefield--apparently controlled by the Grays--that was preventing their Ancestral Draconian Warship from landing. (Or something like that, Orren couldn’t be sure.)

🧙🏼‍♂️ Here we see Haxm trying to mellow everyone out with crystal magick, Mora preparing to obliterate the extraterrestrials with her enchanted cast iron pan, and Oren staring into the dead eyes of an alien and peeing a little. 👽

"Healing the Healer" 20x16 oil on panel 2022. Painting VII in the Grand Recital Series. This piece comes in a simple but magical black frame and can be found at www.markrogersart.com/store

🧙🏼‍♂️ It was recently revealed to the young sorceress Mora Fess that the legendary wizard Haxm Forehand was her true birth father. Haxm however, was unaware of his role in Mora's conception, for he had been practicing something similar to tantric celibacy for nearly 300 years. What happened was that two decades ago Haxm had given Mora's mother a friendly hug, but because he was so magickally potent, the innocent hug got her with child. The Cactus Witch, who was Mora's grandmother never forgave Haxm for the accidental pregnancy hug so she placed a curse upon the Wizard making him repulsively drunk, smelly, and utterly unhuggable. Mora believed that Haxm had been unfairly cursed and for the last few months had been on a quest to find her birth father and to lift the heinous hex.

🔮The healing ritual facilitated by the young sorceress Mora Fess lasted throughout the night and consisted of chanting, visualization, hyperventilation, levitation, unearthly wind, and painful stretching poses. After 8 hours of grueling spiritual combat, the curse was purged from his body and his soul.

✨And so Haxm met his biological daughter for the first time and got sober. Awkward, but no less touching despite the levitation and painful stretching poses.

P.S. never hug a wizard

“The Blackened Pan" 18X24 Oil on Panel 2022.


🦖Here we see, Mora Fess, a young desert sorceress, coming to the rescue of Orren Mawson and the Wizard Haxm Forehand, who were both being held captive and interrogated by a trio of rude shapeshifting reptilians.


⚡️🍳Truthfully, Haxm had fallen asleep and kind of missed the being captured part--but nevertheless, Mora showed up brandishing the Blackened Pan, an ancient and enchanted cast iron skillet made from a weird meteorite and scattered the dread draconians with forked lightning and creative swear words.

🔮And, it was no mere coincidence that the desert sorceress had stumbled upon Orren in his hour of need. Mora had seen the young man in the streets of Sun Fort earlier that day sharing the strange tale of his sister's extraterrestrial abduction, and while she was sympathetic to his plight, she was on a quest of her own.

🧙🏼‍♂️Mora Fess had been searching for her biological father. And this man was none other than Orren's companion, the famous wizard, Haxm Forehand...who, even after the magickal lightning attack and fleeing lizard people, continued snoring loudly.

…Stay tuned for the heartwarming father-daughter reunion and the exciting conclusion.

“Night of the Draconians", Painting V in The Grand Recital series, 18x24 Oil on Panel 2022.

🔥This fireside scene shows Orren, late-night lamenting with the tipsy wizard, Haxm Forehand, about the extraterrestrial abduction of his sister that happened in a crystal mine... a mine that Haxm suggested Orren should explore. Haxm feels a little guilty about this.

🦖✨Meanwhile, strangers approach from darkness. Orren believes he has seen these people in town, but before he has a chance to say anything, the strangers shapeshift into their true draconian forms!

🔥During the phantasmagoric transformation, a grisly metamorphosis filled with the sound of crunching bones, slithery skin stretching, and undulating shadows, Haxm falls asleep. The three reptilians then take Orren prisoner and begin to question him, but between Haxm's snoring and their hissy lizard voices, Orren has no idea what they are saying...

....To be continued

🌵”A Call for Aid" 14X11 Oil on Panel 2022. Painting 4 of 10 in the "Grand Recital Series".

🏜After witnessing his sister's extraterrestrial abduction, Orren Mawson, fell unconscious for a time. When he awoke, he found himself miraculously teleported back to Sun Fort with no memory of his return. This scene shows Orren dramatically recounting the tale of his otherworldly encounter with all who would listen.

Cast of characters from left to right:

🌭 Magnus Milky: Smells like hot dogs, really nice, but hugs too much and eats people.

🦸🏻‍♂️Alanzo Boone: A dumb boy with the singing voice of an angel.

🦎 Paula Burgundy: Always pissed, wonderful penmanship, has the ability to transform into a giant space lizard.

🧙🏼‍♂️ Haxm Forehand: Famous crystal wizard, known for his good deeds and health magick. A witch cursed him with minor alcoholism, but hopefully, he can break the curse soon and switch back to cactus smoothies with fresh strawberries, banana, turmeric, flax seeds, and sunlight.

👽 Invisible Alien: I am surprised you can see him!

🐀Tod: Tod has a pet rat named Dr. Daddy who acts as his conscience and moral compass.

🎩 Roll Scroggins: Scientific illustrator, amateur Bigfoot Hunter, and always dresses so nice and smells so good.

🤠 Orren Mawson: A chill hippie guy living the 1800s version of van life until his sister was abducted by aliens, an event that for the first time in his life, gave him purpose.

🥁 Jazzy Jan: Drummer, kleptomaniac, and sugar freak. Always nervously tapping her fingers on stuff. It drives people crazy.

⚡️ 🍳 Mora Fess: Niece to the infamous Cactus Witch and the illegitimate daughter of Haxm Forehand. Mora possesses a frying pan made from a meteorite that can fling deadly lightning bolts and cook a perfect pancake.

👽✨”The Abduction of Floy Mawson” 18x20 oil on Panel 2022. This is painting 3 of 9 in my current series: “The Grand Recital”.

👽✨The shocking abduction of Floy Mawson occurred in the latter half of the 17th century when she and her brother, Orren, were crystal hunting in a mysterious mine just north of the Sun Fort outpost. By all accounts, the adventurers stumbled upon the secret location of a Zeta Reticulan Ceremonial Science Temple and were noticed by its nonhuman inhabitants. It was said that Orren tried to intervene in his sister's otherworldly kidnapping, but alas, he was rendered powerless by extraterrestrial mind magick.

✨SPOILER ALERT: During her time away from the planet, Floy was given music lessons for 100 years and then returned to Earth as the greatest guitarist ever. But, despite Floy’s technical mastery of the instrument, her music was considered unapproachable, overly spacey, and too weird for the average human listener.

”Ceremonial Science Temple" Painting II in the Grand Recital Series. 20X16 Oil on Panel 2022.

✨👽This illustration is an artist's crude interpretation of the events that transpired prior to the heinous abduction of Flow Mawson. The year was 1840 in the Southwestern Bellows and Floy, along with her brother, Orren, were exploring an abandoned mine just north of Sun Fort, then the shocking encounter and subsequent kidnapping occurred.

👽✨Let it be known to all who read this that the youths were made aware of, and were directed toward the accused mine at the behest of the Legendary Wizard, Haxm Forehand. The famously wise and benevolent Wizard knew of a cache of crystals that the youths could mine and then sell for an excellent profit, however, his advice was flawed. At the time, Haxm had been under the influence of a powerful curse that compelled him to consume endless quantities of alcohol. In his inebriated state, Haxm forgot that the cave system was also the location of an active Zeta Reticulan Ceremonial Science Temple.

✨👽In real life, the Ceremonial Science Temple looked like a gross glowing box made out of mushy alien wood, but the artist took artistic liberties to spice things up for the story.

"Wizard of Cups" 24X18 Oil on Panel 2022. This painting is the prelude to my next series….

THE GRAND RECITAL: Painting 1 of 9

🌵Orren and Floy arrived in Sun Fort hoping to sell their crystals, and it seemed like good fortune indeed when a man claiming to be the famous wizard, Haxm Forehand, stopped to peruse their wares. Unfortunately, the Wizard was extremely drunk and stinky. He gave Orren a friendship bracelet and rambled on about the healing properties of certain gemstones, raising root chakra vibrations, and how to heal from past life negative karma as an invertebrate.

🐌The Wizard believed he had been a mollusk in a former life.

🔮Haxm also strongly suggested that Orren and Floy should check out the RED CAVITY. It was toward the end of the conversation and the drunk Wizard was repeating himself a lot. Apparently, the RED CAVITY was an old mine that housed all kinds of hip and rare crystals and gems, and maybe even gold.

🌛And so, later that very evening Orren and Floy headed to the mine to unearth hidden treasures. Unfortunately, Haxm in his sloshed state failed to mention that the RED CAVITY was also the location of a creepy subterranean extraterrestrial DNA temple.

👽 And this is how the story begins....

"Captains Departure" 18x24 Oil on Panel 2022. The Summerland Incident Series 9 of 9. This painting comes in a simple black frame and is available here: www.markrogersart.com/store

✨In the end, the party followed the interdimensional being and terrarium enthusiast, Captain L.D. Gladweather, outside where he showed off his most elaborate terrarium yet. He seemed especially proud and satisfied with himself. The Captain then explained that his mission on their planet was now complete and the alien spores he had spread all around their town would one day grow into a mega-massive hyper-intelligent and telepathic mushroom colony that would soon become the dominant lifeform in their universe.

🍄 Yes, the Captain was very pleased with himself indeed, for he had been working on behalf of this mushroom colony for a very long time. Soon they would all work for the mushroom colony. He then waved goodbye to Paranormal Investigator Hattie Hibbs, the Summerland Couple, and the Occultist, Rosco. He climbed into his newest terrarium and flew away. Captain L.D. Gladweather was never seen again.

💫And so ends my painting series, "The Summerland Incident"

"In the Captain's Liar" 18x24 oil on panel 2021 🍄

🦇 Here we see our party in the secret subterranean lair of the interdimensional entity known as Captain L.D. Gladweather, who was accidentally brought into this world during a failed Ceremonial Ritual of High Magick. The occultist and dentist Rosco Summerland performed the ritual hoping to get a girlfriend, but instead he got an alien.

Grainville and Zola watch in awe as Captain L.D. Gladweather builds a decorative terrarium (that’s his hobby) while Rosco attempts to banish the entity back to its dimension. Meanwhile, Celebrity Paranormal Investigator Hattie Hibbs engages in psychic communication, but experiences interference due to the Captain's extraterrestrial asthma helmet.

“Dowsing Rod" 11x14 Oil on Panel 2021.

💀This small portrait shows the famous Paranormal Investigator Hattie Hibbs as she demonstrates her divination abilities through the use of a dowsing rod. For thousands of years, people have been practicing the mystical art of dowsing by employing a forked stick, rods, a pendulum, and other such devices to locate minerals, water, and hidden subterranean treasures.

⚡️In this instance, Hattie Hibbs is searching for the secret underground layer of an interdimensional extraterrestrial entity who came to the Earth through a failed Ceremonial Magick Ritual. ….An entity of unfathomable power that is passionate about building exotic terrariums.

“Seaside Summoning" 24X18 Oil on Panel 2021. www.markrogersart.com/store

This is the 6th painting in the Summerland Incident series and it is a flashback.

👹Here we see Rosco Summerland, occultist and dentist, performing a complex esoteric magickal summoning operation. His intent was to call forth a lesser demon to aid him in getting a girlfriend. But what he conjured instead was an interdimensional extraterrestrial being named, Captain L.D. Gladweather, that had harnested the occult energies produced in Rosco’s ritual to open a portal to his world.

🪄 And unfortunately for Rosco, Captain L.D. Gladweather was not a demon that granted love requests, but an alien working for (and enthralled to) a vast and intelligent interplanetary mushroom colony that sought to dominate all life forms everywhere. This mushroom colony was called, “THE KEVEN” (pronounced: Kevin) 🍄

.....to be continued

🔮” Terrarium Forrest" 24X30 2021 oil on panel 2021. This scene depicts celebrity Paranormal Investigator Hattie Hibbs, discovering the missing occultist and dentist, Rosco Summerland. Using her psychic powers and advanced dowsing rod abilities, she discovered Rosco trapped inside an exotic terrarium display… a terrarium that had been built by an extraterrestrial entity accidentally brought to the Earth during one of Rosco’s failed magickal operations.

🍄 The summoned extraterrestrial entity placed Rosco into a state of suspended animation when it forced him to inhale the spores of an alien mushroom.

🌲Paranormal Investigator, Hattie Hibbs awoke Rosco with some nice and hard slaps to the face, but weirdly, Rosco would later go on to say that his time spent trapped in the terrarium were among the happiest moments of his life.

🔮”The Cyclops" 24X18 Oil on Panel 2021.

✨THE SUMMERLAND INCIDENT

✨Part IV: The Cyclops

🔮Here we see Paranormal Investigator Hattie Hibbs during the inquest into the strange occurrences happening at Rosco Summerland's home, and at this point, Rosco is still missing. This case was turning out to be a hotbed of unexplained activity: disembodied voices, weird wood knocks, shadow animals, and strangest of all.....the manifestation of elaborate terrariums.

🔮The terrarium shown in this artist's crude representation was among the most peculiar, as it contained a fur-covered cycloptic boy. Later Hattie and the Summerland Couple went into town for pie and film for the Spirit Camera, but when they returned, the terrarium had vanished.

NOTE: The hyperrealistic cat painted in perfect photorealistic detail is of my own feline familiar, Panther Rogers. He is a cartoon. 🤓

“Paranormal Investigator” 18x24 oil on panel 2021.

👽 This is Hattie Hibbs, the greatest paranormal investigator in the Southwestern Bellows. At the age of six, she fell off a covered wagon, hit her head on an enchanted rock, and gained psychic powers as well as the ability to channel Aliens. Also at age six, she took up pipe smoking.

✨❤️🔮This little scene shows Hattie and her trusty spirit camera alongside some of the paranormal entities she made contact with over the years, like:

✨The ghost of Carla Dukes, who died of boredom.

✨Hairy Lenny the Sasquatch who gave back rubs and ate babies.

✨A Mantiod Extraterrestrial who wrote star poems and traveled across the galaxy to be with a human astronomer whom he adored. They are still together and very happy!

✨Hattie once taught a Zeta Reticulin sarcasm. The Zeta Reticulan then taught Hattie how to grow human eyeballs inside of a Tourmaline gemstone which gives you the ability to see colors in the dark. ...Just kidding, that’s impossible.

✨Also, Mothman, who was not a man at all but a hideous and bloodthirsty teenage girl. Hattie and Mothman did not get along.

✨And a fairy named Robocop

"Shared Hallucination" 24X18 Oil on Panel 2021

🍄This is the 2nd painting in "The Summerland Incident Series". Here we see Zola and Grainville Summerland in the home of Grainville's missing brother, Rosco. While waiting and hoping for Rosco to show up, the couple heard disembodied voices, the sound of phantom footfalls, and other unexplained sounds within the home. The mood was unsettling and the couple were starting to worry. Then, on their first night in the home, they witnessed the sudden manifestation of a bizarre terrarium…..

🍄Baffled by the unexplained occurrences, the couple decided to continue waiting to see if Rosco would arrive. The strange occurrences continued, and on the third night, the couple both witnessed the face of a phantasmagoric apparition appear within the fireplace.

🍄It was then that the Summerland's decided to hire the legendary paranormal investigator, Hattie Hibbs....

(Spoiler Alert: The face in the fireplace belongs to Captian L.D. Gladweather, an outer world being who enjoys building elaborate terrariums.)

“The Unexpected Terrarium” 16x20 oil on panel 2021. Zola and Grainville Summerland heard strange noises within the empty home. As they stepped into the living room, the air thickened, taking on an electrically charged quality, and then, with a loud BOOM that shook the very foundation of the house, a shape materialized before them. It appeared to be...a really great terrarium.

🦕This is the first painting in a new painting series called, “The Summerland Incident”.

“A Lesson in Shapeshifting" 18X24 oil on panel 2021

Last painting in the "Alanzo and the Cactus Witch" series!! Here we have the Cactus Witch giving her pupil, Alanzo, a demonstration in shapeshifting.

✨🦉✨Though an esoteric ritual of lewd and rude gestures, obscene poetry, and the consumption of a deadly cactus-based poison, the Cactus Witch was able to transform herself into her own spirit animal. In owl form, she would soar silently over the desert hunting for rats and snakes and small to medium-sized children; anything to satisfy her primal and predatory desires.

✨🦉✨The Cactus Witch then shared this secretly guarded practice with young Alanzo because she could sense in his aura that his spirit animal was.... the raccoon. And with the mounting garbage situation at witch’s cottage, she figured he would shapeshift and then eat all the trash.

✨🦝✨ Which he did!!

👽🌵 “The Gift" 14X18 Oil on Panel 2021. At dusk Ekaj Htims, Immortal Zeta Reticulan, Level 2 Nightmare Whisper, and Master of Future Memories emerged from his subterranian time-travel labratory to give Alanzo Boone a present.

🌵👽The gift was a freshly decapitated human head. Ekaj telepathically related to Alanzo that the head was actually Alanzo's own, but from the future in which he was destened to lose it in a freak library accident.

👽🌵When Alanzo turned white and fainted, Ekaj's gray rubbery face made an expression similiar to that of a smile and his soft 9-chambered alien heart beat with the joy of giving.

A dove then flew overhead. And over the head. 🕊

"An Audience With a Lord" 36x24 Oil on Panel 2021.

👽🌵👑 After her elemental resurrection by the seemingly benevolent Zeta Reticulan Grays, the Cactus Witch and her poison-making apprentice, Alanzo, were then introduced to a being of tremendous divine power. This creature was called, Lord Sutcac the Majestic. He appeared to be a wise and ancient elder God of the Succulents, yet according to the Aliens, Lord Sutcac, was in truth a nine-month-old baby child-king.

👽🌵👑 Over the years the Cactus Witch had left many decorative cactus offerings for the Gray Aliens that lived in the region. It was then explained that the Aliens had taken all of her cactus gifts, and using advanced magick and forbidden technology, squished them together to create this new and powerful God.

👽🌵👑 Lord Sutcac the Majestic then presented the Cactus Witch with a detailed business plan for her boutique poisons with Alanzo as her primary employee. The business plan expertly took into account both the Cactus Witch and Alanzo's strengths and weaknesses, and it seemed totally doable. They were impressed! Lord Sutcac the Majestic seemed really smart for a baby!

Then the blood sacrifices started....

🌵⚡️💀HOW TO PERFORM AN ELEMENTAL RESURRECTION RITUAL! 👽⚡️🌵

(Note: this is a guide is strictly for Zeta Reticulan neophyte death mages and is not intended for pals on Instagram)

1. Choose a dead body. Human, animal, plant, mineral, or other.

2. The Gathering Phase: Gather at least four friends, gather your enchanted weapons, gather your best ceremonial robes, and gather some snacks....this might take a while.

3. Now it's time to begin! Start with an ice breaker. Tell a joke. And then as a group, perform the Lesser Banishing Ritual of the Invisible Pyramid as described in the Immortal Tomb in section: IIVV234.17A

4. Using the Magick Pentacle, call in the Planetary Element to remind the dead body that it was once alive on a planet, and to initiate the regeneration sequence.

5. Using the Magick Sword, call on the Air Element to breathe some hot air into its face and into its mind.

6. Snack time!

7. Using the Magick Wand, heat things up with the Fire Element. Now is the time to get creative! Maybe do a little dance or make a painting.

8. Finally, using the Magick Cup, call in the Water Element; the element of emotion. Zeta Riticulans do not have emotions, so this one can be a little tricky, but water also governs psychic abilities, and because Zeta Riticulans are naturally telepathic, telekinetic, pyrokinetic, masters of the 5th dimension, and genetically invented psychic powers into existence over a billion years ago, it best to call in the water element last.

9. Now as a group, raise your personal power and create an astral tunnel into the Land of the Dead where you shall venture on a 9-month quest, fighting demons and other horrors to retrieve the lost soul.

10. And that's about it! Congratulations, and try not to make things too awkward for the recently resurrected. Mortals can be sensitive about these things.

🌵”The Elemental Resurrection" 20X30 Oil on Panel 2021 🖖🏽

“A Witch’s Funeral“ 18x24 Oil on Panel 2021

✨💀Here we see sad Alanzo holding a little funeral for his mentor, poison making instructor, and only true friend, Lady Meadhbh, the Cactus Witch.

✨💀Earlier that morning while preparing their coffee, Alanzo accidentally murdered the Cactus Witch with an exotic poison called “Tears of the Black Rainbow”. The poison causes a torrent of dazzling multicolored tears while simultaneously transforming a healthy human head into a gross skull.

✨💀Alanzo was one of the dumber people in the Southwestern Bellows, so an accident like this might not come as much of a surprise, but what he lacked in brains he made up for in singing ability. Alanzo had perfect pitch and the voice of a country-western angel.

✨💀That day at the funeral, Alanzo sang the saddest song ever sung by a human. (I'm getting misty-eyed just thinking about it) The rocks teared up, the snakes sighed, the sun wept, and the cactuses cried. He sang to the old goddess who dwelt in the oasis, the forgotten ones who ruled over wind and land, and he sang to immortal beings who dwelt in the mountains.

And they all answered his song.

✨💀This is the fifth painting in the “Alanzo and the Cactus Witch” series. Maybe 3-4 left.

👽😴👽 “Dream Harvest” 18x24 oil on panel 2021. First painting of the new year! Here’s the story.......

🌝 The nocturnal visitations from Aliens began shortly after Alanzo witnessed the mysterious crafts in the sky that day. Unbeknownst to Alanzo, the frequency of their occurrences increased as the Cactus Witch taught him the lore of the Zeta Reticulans, how to make the ritual cactus offerings, and how to use their own Runes in minor magickal operations.

🧙🏼‍♂️To quote the famous wizard, Haxm Forehand, “...When you begin to look at the phenomenon, the phenomenon looks back at you.”

👽 Indeed, the more Alanzo learned about, and thought about the Aliens, the more they thought about him......while he was sleeping.

✨Do you ever think about aliens? Do you have dreams that you can’t remember?

😴 Oftentimes people who think about Aliens invite Zeta Reticulan Level 9 Nightmare Whisperers into their reality through an ultra-dimensional portal while they are sleeping. After the astral DNA and chakra blood are collected, the Aliens then telepathically begin the DREAM HARVEST*

*(spoken with death metal voice)

3w

👽🌵 "Ritual Cactus Offering" 18x24 Oil on panel 2020 ....As the solstice draws near, Alanzo and the Cactus Witch give a plant offering to the ancient ones.

Ten Benefits of a Ritual Cactus Offering to the Aliens✨🌵

1. Aliens love cactuses, and it is fun to give gifts!

2. A ritual cactus offering to the Aliens demonstrates your usefulness.

3. Decorative cactuses are cheaper than the other two traditional Alien offerings, which are human skulls and gold.

4. Cactuses have a mild hypnotic effect on Zeta Reticuan Grays which can be helpful if you need to escape quickly.

5. Escape is futile, so it's always best to give them what they want. And they want decorative low maintenance house plants.

6. Shopping for cute cactuses can be really relaxing.

7. Humans who give regular cactus offerings to the Aliens are 10% less likely to have their insides liquified in a laser accident.

8. The stinky breath of a Zeta Reticulan is poisonous to humans and cactuses produce oxygen.

9. A terracotta pot can be used as a bludgeoning weapon if you need to knock yourself out and end things early.

10. Growing plants strengthens your connection to the Earth....which is helpful for when you are no longer on the Earth.

“Alanzo and the Cactus Witch" 18X24 Oil on Panel 2020.

🧙🏽🌵🤠Alanzo Boone was the son of the most scary assassin in the Southwestern Bellows. In fact, he came from a long line of hired killers and it was expected that Alanzo would join the family trade. Unfortunately, Alanzo was grossed out by blood, so his father had him apprentice with a Cactus Witch named Lady Meadhbh to learn the mystical arts of potion and poison-making. Alanzo wasn't very good at either, but he and the Witch fell into a comfortable routine and eventually became friends.

🧙🏽🌵🤠The Cactus Witch taught him how to make Lizard’s Kiss, an herbal remedy that would cure a burned tongue and make it possible to see in the dark, and how to make an extremely addictive drug called Cherub’s Cheek, which would made the user drunk and good looking. Lady Meadhbh shared her recipe for Ghost Owls, a delicious and healthy cactus cookie that caused remote viewing, strong toenails, and confidence. She also taught him how to make Tears of the Black Rainbow, which caused colorful tears followed by brain damage.

🤔 And things were going really, really great until one day, Alanzo accidentally killed the Cactus Witch with poison.

"The Cottage" 18X24 Oil on Panel 2020. This painting is the first in a series that I am working on, loosely titled, "Alanzo and the Cactus Witch". This is a painting of the Cactus Witch's home. Here is an excerpt from the narrative:



"Just South of Deadchappel, in a little cottage, lived a Cactus Witch named, Lady Meadhbh. She wasn’t the most famous Witch or Wizard in the Southwestern Bellows, but in the region, she was renowned for her cactus-based potions, poisons, and mystical drugs.



It was said that Lady Meadhbh had the feet of a bird. It was also said that she was on good terms with the Aliens."



“The Astral Picnic” 24x18 oil on panel 2020. 👽✨Marjoram meditated every day. In her imagination she had build an inner world, a happy little picnic spot, and she visited this place every time she meditated.



👽✨One day, in her imaginary picnic spot, she was visited by two outlandish beings: one introduced himself as Chili Manili Varkvaker, a 9th Degree Journey Master, and Jan, who seemed cool.



👽✨Chili and Jan explained that they had entered Marjoram’s meditation space to impart crucial prophecy information that would save the human race, but just as they were getting to the really juicy stuff....Marjoram remembered that she had left her newborn baby with the horses in the barn.



👽✨She opened her eyes, jumped up and raced to the barn. Her baby was fine. Marjoram continued to meditate every day, but never heard from Chili or Jan again.

“Meditation Pyramid“ 16X20 Oil on Panel 2020 www.markrogersart.com/store



🎩✨There are few in Freedom Tooth City who have any inkling that their friendly local Hatter, Yale Nibley, is in fact the most powerful being on the planet and Duke of the Solar System. ⁣

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🎩✨To cope with the stresses of making, designing, and repairing fine hats for men and women, Nimbley, sought out a book on mediation at the local library. Shortly after that he began a 20-minute practice twice a day and noticed his happiness increase and his stress melt away as he made regular trips out of his body, voyaging among the stars and planets. It was there that he met the Empress of the Galaxy, who charged Nimbley with a heroic quest—which he completed during a 20-minute afternoon session on a Friday—and became an ascended master, rewarded with indescribable power, and the title of Sir Duke Nimbley with the Milky Way as his personal Duchy.⁣

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🎩✨Nimbley still meditates twice a day and makes hats in Freedom Tooth. His most famous hat is that worn by the legendary Wizard, Haxm Forehand.⁣

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🎩✨Here he is, meditating in his astral temple with his spirit guide, "Muffin". Muffin's Wizard cap is a custom Nimbley.



🎩✨This painting comes in a simple black frame. Yay!

"The Entourage" 24x20 oil on panel 2020.



🌵🐍The Snake Howl desert is widely known for being a land of legendary dangers. It is home to gangs of savage subterranean cannibals, smelly rock giants, dusty blood ghosts, packs of scorpion wolves, hot heat, and thousands of really sharp cactuses.



🌵🐍....But, if one can find them, and if one can afford them, there is a family of magically mutated type-zero reptoid sorcerers and warriors that have been safely escorting travelers across the vast and treacherous desert for nearly two hundred years. It is said that this family of arcane lizard people are both super chill and fun to travel with. They also have the scoop on all the hip sightseeing spots, and they almost never eat horses.

"Robo Boy" 16x20 Oil on Panel 2020.

🤖No one knew where the cyborg came from, it simply appeared in town one day. It called itself, "Timmy Tom Robo Boy 2020" and according to the cyborg, its prime directives were empathy, companionship, and caring.



🤖Timmy Tom was fluent in 124 Earth languages and over 10,000 Alien dialects. It knew sign language, it could recite poetry, and it was a master in nonverbal communication techniques. It could hum every tune, whistle in the wind, and replicate bird song. It had 30,000 years of empathy training, supersonic listening modules, advanced emotional programming, and a full head of real human hair. Yet.....Timmy Tom Robo Boy had no friends. 🥺



☀️”The Golden Flail" 18X24 Oil on Panel 2020.



🦖For thousands of years in the Southwestern Bellows, a clandestine war has waged between two alien species, the Zeta Reticulan Grays and the Draconian Reptoids. Joth Dragonmask, a Type-5 Phantom Creeper was on a mission to take out the Zeta Reticulan forcefield encircling the planet and preventing the Reptoid armada from the landing.



☀️Joth had been on the trail of the ever-elusive Xalirim, a Zeta Reticulan Cactus Theologon and Force Field Chief, for nearly two decades when finally he encountered a human who was in possession of an ancient codex written by the very alien he was tracking.



🦖Upon confiscating the book, Joth discovered that indeed it was written by Xalirim, but its contents were far more mysterious than he could have imagined. What he hoped to find hidden within the pages were the secret locations of the shield generators, but what he found instead was a book of naughty alien love poems. The poems were written from the perspective of a being without an understanding of emotions or genitals. Nevertheless, the poetry was quite engaging.



☀️The book of poems was entitled, "The Golden Flail".

“Their Bright Correspondence” 24x18 Oil on Panel 2020

⁣✨In 1841, Dr. F.B. Butler, a well-respected and highly esteemed astronomer began a correspondents with a twinkling star. The star sent her messages in the form of light pulses which the Doctor discovered to be a pattern similar to Morris Code. She responded to the star by sending her own flashes of light using an elaborate display of mirrors and other reflective surfaces. ⁣

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⁣✨After two years of correspondence, the star (which was not a star) landed outside of the Harold and Link College Observatory in Freedom Tooth. What emerged from the star was a large humanoid creature with frightening insect-like features reminiscent of a praying mantis. It emitted a horrid high-pitch sound that paralyzed the entire research staff except for the Doctor. To the horror of those looking on, she raced forward and enfolded the creature in a passionate embrace. The esteemed Dr. F.B. Butler then began a secret whirlwind relationship with the Mantoid lasting several weird weeks before the couple burrowed into the ground and were never seen again. ⁣

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✨The eggs that were left in their wake have yet to hatch. 🐜💜✨ ⁣

⁣⁣⁣🦉Master Ornithologist, Quinton Ainsworth, was on a solo weekend expedition researching desert birds when he met two beings in the twilight hours. ⁣⁣⁣

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⁣⁣🦉The beings knew all about him and all about his career working for the Sun Fort Bird Museum. They said they were there to teach Quinton “the trick” of shape-shifting into his favorite animal, the great horned owl....in exchange for all memories of his childhood. Quinton felt pressured to make the decision, and even a little coerced...the situation had an unreal quality....but in the end he agreed. ⁣⁣⁣

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⁣⁣🦉He was taken deep into a wondrous cave filled with twinkling minerals, gold ingots, a doctor, and an operating table. He knew he should have been scared, but Quinton felt oddly comfortable as his childhood memories were extracted with a brain cone and later that night, they taught him “the trick”. ⁣⁣⁣

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⁣⁣🦉On his way home he caught a mouse with his talons and ate it.

🧙‍♂️” Haxm's Crystal Case" 18 X 24 Oil on Panel 2020. 🧙‍♂️ This is portrait of the famous wizard Haxm Forehand with his Enchanted Crystal Case, a gift from the extraterrestrial Zeta Reticulan people for Haxm's selfless good deeds. The case is composed from exotic space minerals and has the capacity to phase in and out of existence at Haxm’s command. When closed, stuff doesn't get jumbled around like you think it would. ⁣⁣

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Also, ⁣

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✨TEN CRYSTALS EVERYONE SHOULD OWN:✨⁣

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1. Flulite: For passion and health, makes blood nice and thick and slow⁣

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2. Purple Navnavite: For time travel, protection, late nights, hard teeth, and also an exercise cure⁣

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3. Decorative Crystal Ball (not real crystal): For the Eye of the Tiger⁣

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4. Pure Zeta Reticulan Tracuite: For courage, shaky penmanship, pet performances, and attracting toxic relationships⁣

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5. Wink Wink Wink: For shooting hot lava out of your eyes, financial planning, creativity, and straw hair ⁣

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6. Ximpolite: a day-old croissant ⁣

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7. Jade Nextulite: For trust, flirting, flexible joints, breaking down limiting beliefs, and tickling⁣

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8. Heart of the Dread Frost: For battle magick, filled with the souls of one thousand and one slain demons, also helps with completing half-finished projects⁣

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9. ??? ⁣

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10. Pale Jazzasper: Promotes good fashion, healthy bowels, crackly knuckles, and smells like a warm bean burrito

🌈👽🌳Energy Cycle" 16x20 Oil on Panel 2020. While exploring a mysterious cave Floy Mawson stumbled upon a secret subterranean outpost and was captured by the Zeta Reticulan Grays or "Gray People" as they are often called. Floy, who unknowingly possessed a compatible blood-type variant, was enlisted in a mandatory training program by her captors. Her training included but was not limited to: ⁣

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⚡️Ghost Manifestation and Manipulation

⚡️Astral Bounty Hunting

⚡️Advanced Basic Astronomy

⚡️Body Switching

⚡️Cactus Theology

⚡️Laser and Blade Dancing

⚡️Death Surgery

⚡️Screen Memory Implantation

⚡️a tiny bit of math

⚡️and Casual Necromancy⁣

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🌈👽🌳Here we see Floy harnessing Earth Power and Tree Energy to resurrect one of her Alien teachers in her final trial toward becoming a super defender embedded within the human population to protect the planet. ⁣

🐲”The Oasis Oracle" 18x24 Oil on Panel 2020. After experiencing setbacks in their quest, the party decided to consult the Oasis Oracle in the Snake Howl Desert, known as the Lorga. The Lorga was renowned for her precise and useful foretelling and divination, yet she was also known to be emotionally turbulent and dramatic. Crying fits lasting days were not uncommon. Rumors even spoke of violent moods and murder by drowning. So, the party baked the Lorga a strawberry rhubarb pie to brighten her day. She loved the pie, was super nice, and gave them great advice in their quest....which was fated to be #difficult #scary and #bloody 🐉

✨The earless Zeta Retuculan people evolved from sound wave communication to telepathic communication eons ago. They don’t hear anything and they never listen. They simply “know” that sounds are happening and are able to interpret them perfectly with their magnificent 5-hemisphered brains. Nevertheless experiencing old-fashioned sound waves can lead to relaxation, mindfulness, and even enjoyment. Here we see a Zeta Reticulin Noise Mage chattering it’s teeth into an amplified sound altar that produces pleasant skeleton rattles. 〰️💀〰️⁣

✨ "The Windmill" 12x9 Oil on Panel 2019.

This is an illustration of the Triangles that Augustine Polk witnessed in the sky above the windmill in the spring of 1898, and would be later referred to as the Polk Triangles Incident. No one believed Polk when he tried to share the sighting with friends and family, and this was partially due to Polk's low intelligence and a ten-year addiction to sleep berry. The strangest thing about the event were not the triangles themselves, but what happened after the experience. Polk picked up a book for the first time and began to teach himself how to read. By the end of the week, he had read every book in the house. From there he moved onto the the library, where he taught himself law, physics, mathematics, theology, chemistry and volcanology. He became fluent in eight languages. Polk joined the city council and developed a love for politics as well as falconry, fencing, and archery. Then, three years after the event that seemly changed his life, Polk vanished. They found his shoes, along with the clothes that he had been wearing that day scattered at the base of the Windmill where he had seen the Triangles. ✨

"Lords of Lightning" (LOL) 30x36 Oil on Panel 2019. 🌩HOW LIGHTNING IS PRODUCED:🌩

⚡️1. An extraterrestrial saucer-shaped craft materializes within a cloud above the earth's atmosphere from another dimension for the purpose of a Dream Harvest and Gold Extraction.

⚡️2. A gathering of ancient immortal power lords are assembled for a Flight Ritual. (The term "Lord" is used loosely here seeing that 3 out of 4 of the gathered ancients are in fact gender neutral, including the cat who has been neutered.)

⚡️3. After a brief group mediation, A Zeta Reticulan Level 4 Nightmare Whisperer raises its magic dagger, charged with scary dreams.

⚡️4. The heinous and cruel Gore Master, known as, Gary, slithers toward the golden elemental tower and checks to make sure it is plugged in. ⚡️5. An Elder Mantoid Flame Tamer of the Crushed Hopes raises its crystal wand. Mantoids don't have hands, so this is hard.

⚡️6. A Will "O the Whisp produces a cursed chalice used for drinking pulverized and bloody human livers and the room fills with dark energy. ⚡️7. ....so the cat lights some candles.

⚡️8. Through chanting and dance, the four Lords of Lightning raise their considerable personal power, and as one, unleash their devastating energy into the elemental tower, electrifying the anti-gravity pentacle.

⚡️9. The craft is charged, the Flight Ritual is complete, and the Lords of Lightning are now ready to commence with the Dream Harvest and Gold Extraction. ⚡️10. Oh yeah, some lightning shot out of the bottom of the craft during the Flight Ritual. That is how lightning is made. 🌩👽✌

“The Healer” 20x16 Oil on Panel 2019. ☀️🧙🏽‍♂️✨ Long ago the famous wizard, Haxm Forehand saved the immortal life of a Zeta Reticulin Gray. Xalarim, a Cactus Theologian and Force Field Chief was on sabbatical in the Snake Howl Desert musing a great many things when he was gunned down by bandits. The Wizard happened to be traveling along at that same time and came to his rescue by scattering the bandits with lewd gestures and ghost illusions. 🖕👻🖕 Haxm then tended to Xalarim’s gunshot wounds and healed the Alien with super-charged sun crystals. In exchange for his help, the Alien taught the Wizard all about his people, their forcefields, and about scientific necromancy. And friendship. 🧙🏻‍♂️✨👽 Also....”Xalarim” is Miralax spelled backwards, which is the constipation medicine that I feed my old cat to help him 💩

"Equinox Ritual" 18x24 Oil on Panel 2019. 👽🎃🍂Greetings Aliens, Extraterrestrials, Ultra-Dimensionals and other Non-Earthlings! With so many human celebrations this time of year it can be easy to feel a little left out, but it doesn't have to be that way. The fall is a wonderful time of year for everyone.10 WAYS TO CELEBRATE THE FALL ON EARTH: 👽🍁🎃1. Explore a pumpkin patch. Figure out what a pumpkin is2. Set aside time to walk in a forest in search of potential prisoners3. Gather pine cones and multi-colored leaves and branches and decorate your energy dome4. Arts and crafts and space crafts5. Pack away your summer magi robes and triangle collars and short shorts6. Find and secretly observe a local fall festival from the shadows and record your findings7. Make a donation box and fill it with titanium, gold, osmium, rhenium, palladium and niobium.8. Rake a pile of leaves and collapse into the decomposing organic matter9. Visit a stationary store and acquire fall greeting cards to leave for humans on their pillows10. Add fall scented candles to your worm hole👽🍁🎃 BONUS: Make a gratitude list!Well, there you have it. Have a happy fall, Aliens!

"His Spirit Guides" 20x30 Oil on Panel 2019. Akio Hattori was a very wise man and sorcerer who at an early age connected with his six special Spirit Guides. And each one of these ancient and nameless spirits ruled over a color and a skill as well as a magickal discipline.👽👽👽👽👽👽HIS SPIRIT GUIDES:1. COLOR: Red; SKILL: pretending to listen, but actually sleeping with eyes open to conserve energy; MAGICK: hot lava 2. COLOR: Orange; SKILL: can make a hat out of any material and leadership; MAGICK: turns invisible when holding breath3. COLOR: Yellow; SKILL: sword and knife combat (super deadly); MAGICK: non-love potions4. COLOR: Green; SKILL: advanced math/physics/geometry/profound wisdom, but can't read; MAGICK: corpse reanimation and wall walking5. COLOR: Purple; SKILL: not giving a shit; MAGICK: psychic ghost claws with death touch x56. COLOR: Blue; SKILL: piano; MAGICK: compassion👽👽👽👽👽👽

"The Green Lady" 12X24 Oil on Panel 2019. 💚🌵 Outside of Tortoise Hill in the Southwestern Bellows lived the Green Lady. According to legend, she arrived in a tiny spaceship and emerged as a grasshopper. She worked hard for the next three years and transformed herself into a lovely human woman. She then got a job as the night watch person at the Tortoise Hill Cactus Museum, a job which suited her twin preternatural abilities of dark vision and plant hearing. It was said that she was shy and enjoyed the solitude, often spending quiet museum hours reading dictionaries and technical manuals. The Green Lady worked at the museum for over four decades until it was closed due to lack of funding. Some believe she never left. To this day she is still honored as a minor deity of the land and of the cactus. She is said to give nighttime aid to lost travelers, help with psychic crops, spelling and space lessons, and can be evoked to destroy bandits and bad habits. 🌵💚

"The Astral Body" 16x20 Oil on Panel 201910 TIPS FOR ASTRAL PROJECTION🌙✨1. Meditate every daydream2.Get plenty of exorcism3. Eat a healthy diet of precious metals...especially gold4. Buy a cactus and don't sit on it5. Cultivate a positive magnetic attitude6. Sleep with a meteorite under your pillow7. Keep a time travel journal8. Improve your anti-social skills9. Pierce the Shadow Strider in the neck with the crystal blade of 1000 sorrows and drink it’s blood and roar as you feel yourself acquire it’s unearthly power and grim knowledge10. And remember, people care about you, not about your psychic success🌙✨

"The Telepathy Flower" 15x30 Oil on Panel 2019. ✨ According to the Zeta Reticulan Grays (who rarely should be trusted) the inhaled pollen of the unusual Teesborgs plant or "Telepathy Flower" produces a temporary but extreme enhancement of all psychic facilities, placing the user into a deep trance state in which advanced mental communication is easily possible....even with beings on other planets. The Teesborgs plant is native to only the Zeta Reticulan star system but was spored on earth by the Astronauts who will one day visit these alien moons in the distant future. According to the Gray Time Warlocks and Keepers of the Lost Feelings, the Earth Astronauts were intentionally implanted with the Teesborgs Plant seeds and then sent back in time to spread the plant on Earth so that Humans and Grays could communicate over the vast distances of space. Also, when eaten, the flowers of the Teesborgs plant act a mega-aphrodisiac.🌿👽✨🙇‍♀️

“Reptile Girl” 8x10 oil on panel 2019. Born from an alligator egg, Sally Hazel Beagle or “The Reptile Girl” was born in the early 1800’s and was the youngest of seven daughters born to the Beagle family traveling circus. The legends say that her family was a Hereditary coven of witches and claim that her birthing was part of a profane blood offering to the Egyptian God Sobek. (...Legends that are far fetched, of course) Descriptions of Sally Hazel vary, but all accounts agree that outwardly she looked like a normal young girl but with the feet of a lizard. Some reports suggest a forked tongue as well. It was said that she had a magical mastery over all reptiles and worked and performed in the circus for many years as a breeder, trainer and advocate for exotic lizards, deadly snakes and alligators, whom she lovingly cared for and lived with. Some say that she could heal the sick and other say that she could turn wine into venom. Despite her mysterious disappearance in the mind 1830’s, she is still revered as a patron saint and minor goddess of reptiles, protection, and good fortune. ....also, if you say “Sally Hazel Beagle” 33 times before you go to sleep, you are sure to dream alligator dreams. 🌙🐊😴

“The Mystic Veterinarian” 24x18 oil on panel 2019. Magic pets and familiars come in all shapes and sizes and are not as uncommon as most people think. Like all creatures, occasionally they get sick and need to see a doctor, which can be a real predicament when it comes to “magical” animals. But it is rumored that a gray man, called Gar Re (pronounced: Gary) can be found just north of the city of Bonedale. And it is said that Gar Re is a Mystic Veterinarian. ✨🐢🦕🐝🦇🦈✨I came up with this concept when my cat got sick. I drew the basic idea for the painting in my sketchbook while at the vet as part of a spell. I believe my drawing helped to cure my cat. As above—so below. ✨👽✨😺

“The Tools” 18x24 Oil on Panel 2019. ...It was an initiation of sorts. Wilber was about to be shown the tools of the craft. Just what that craft was...Wilber was about to find out.... ✨The Tools:✨

1. The Earth Stones of Fear, Pain, and Love

2. Carnelian(For Confidence and Empowerment. Also an extraterrestrial food source)

3. Crown of the Sky Castle (for larger beings, it can also function as a bracelet or ring and is used to control, you guessed it, the Sky Castle)

4. An old bowl

5. Blade of Will and Deadly Lightning (replica, not sharp)

6. A Pyramid Statue to honor and represent “The Embassy”. It crackles with creepy vibes.

7. The Gray Flower (the most ancient flower in all of existence... very fragile)

8. One those super short pool cues

9. The Brown Grimoire of the Morrorrorrom (hard to read, smells weird)

10. The Blood Button (When pressed, a magical savior child is born to fulfill the prophecy and time travel to save humanity from the dinosaurs that reanimate when the icecaps melt.)

“Heinous Acquisition”18x24 oil on panel 2019. This image is an artist’s crude rendering of an event that took place in the spring of 1919 in a town outside of Portland, Oregon. One afternoon, witnesses reported seeing a terrifying humanoid figure levitating above the Earth. An Alien by all accounts!! This Alien seemed to select several of the onlookers from the city park below, and as if they were balloons, these people all shot up into the sky until they vanished along with the Alien being. For the next century these people were held captive in a crystal castle where they underwent extensive gene manipulation and enhancement. Prisoners, they might have been, the captured humans were all trained in philosophy, astronomy, space music, public speaking, psychic fighting and advanced sorcery. In order to regain their freedom the humans were forced to battle a black hole demon in a gladiatorial-esque contest of strength and might before an audience of Extraterrestrial Elites from across the Galaxy. The humans prevailed with ease, for they had grown so powerful that they now out-classed their original captors. They then turned on the Aliens and devoured all with wolfish foricity, delivering brutal retribution. Then, as semi-immortal super humans with god-like powers, they flew back to Earth and last year they started an alternative yoga school/retreat in Hawaii. It has excellent reviews online! ✨👽✨ This piece is for the "Fist Full of Sky" group show put on by @wowxwow_art 

“It’s Head” 14x18 oil on Panel 2019. The head was discovered in 1894 floating in a tide pool deep within a cave off the Oregon coast by Dr. Arlo Birdwhistle Jr., a well known marine biologist and amateur folklorist with a reputation for eccentricity and lively parties. Birdwhistle was also a known occultist with fanciful ideas, and it came as little surprise when he announced his discovery. Everyone in the community thought it was fake of course. The head of a giant, fully intact? A creature from another world? People thought Birdwhistle was a fraud, and should join the circus. The discovery quickly fell from the public eye. Even Birdwhistle himself eventually lost interest in the bizarre head, but this was not true for his daughter, Nettie, who formed a strange bond with the specimen. It was said that Nettie would spend hours and hours with the head, reading to it out loud as if it could actually hear her. As if it were still alive somehow. Most disturbing of all…..witnesses claimed that when Nettie Birdwhistle was in the presence of the head…..it’s eyes would open. 👽✨📚 This was a really fun piece to paint. I came up with the idea for this while I was on vacation in Spokane, where I spent a great deal of time watching the snowfall, drawing in my sketchbook, and reading….out loud to a giant alien head in a jar. 👽✨📚 

"The Sarcophagus” 20x16 Oil on Panel 2018. Brigid Byrne came home from a night of stargazing to discover a bright and strange golden coffin resting on her front porch. Overcome with a feeling of unease and dread she went to ask the neighbors if they had any information about the unexpected sarcophagus, but unfortunately they did not answer. When Brigid returned to her house, she discovered that the sarcophagus had been moved. It was laying on its side and was sitting open. ...And not only was the sarcophagus open, but so was her front door… 🌜💀🌞This painting was initially inspired by my visit to see the King Tut exhibit at the Oregon Museum of Science and Industry and ultimately became an allegorical painting about the night and the moon meeting the day and the sun. 

"Dwelling Destroyer" 24x20 Oil on Panel 2019. " The exiled Serpent Priest appeared from the trees and towered over the young woman. He raised his Wand of Eminent Scorching and hissed, "Whitnessss, as I now set your prison ablaze, thereby releasing you from the shacklessss of homeownership." As the house burned, the Serpent Priest continued his sermon on the evils of mortgages and the illusion of owning property. Stunned and horrified, all the woman could do was shield her eyes and try not to inhale the smoke. "....and now you shall sleep under the starssss, forever free!" The Serpent bowed and smiled looking both imperious and saintly at the same time, the house nothing but burning embers. Still unable to believe what had just happened, the woman screamed, "That was my friend's house and I was watching her cat!!" The Serpent Priest nodded and replied, "You are welcome." 🏡🔥🐍

"Death Priests" 20x16 Oil on Panel 2019. Among the Immortal Zeta Reticulin grays stationed on Earth, there exists a cult that worships the death of this planet's creatures. Having long ago transcended mortality though the marriage of technology and magic--a process long forgotten to these Aliens--this quasi-religious sect is obsessed with death. Some of their practices include, but are not limited to: invisible funeral observation, skeletal DNA reaping, phantom crystallization, soul transfusion, before-life afterlife, astral blood collection, spirit measuring, draconian necromancy, the breathing-corpse technique, ritual ghost charming, and the adoption of hybrid "God" forms--evidence of which can be seen throughout the world in the art and languages of pyramid-building cultures. They also invented death metal. 👽😵💀😱👻

“Crystal Cave” 16x20 Oil on Panel 2019. This a depiction of a Zeta Reticulan dream-harvester spending alone-time in an off-world dwelling. This space pocket is accessed by a mystal portal located within a hidden cave system somewhere in mountains of New Mexico. These space pockets serve as place of rest and meditation and contemplation. Solitude is not only important for humans, but it is also crucial for the mental well-being of Zeta Reticulans....even more so due to the complex biology of their 6-lobed gelatinous brains (10% of which is made out of gold) and the fact that they never sleep. These mega-intelligent beings need time to recharge and are often aided with the energy produced by ancient healing crystals filled with ghosts. 👽🌵🔮

"The Walkabout" 15x30 Oil on Panel 2019. Folks like to blame the liquid in the bottle for the "visions" and "mysterious encounter" that Edgar Longfellow had on the evening of February 20th 1902, but Edgar hadn't touched the drink in years. The truth of the matter was that he had picked up the empty bottle lying on the side of the road to use as a weapon. He was found raving in the southern California desert with the bottle clutched in a white-knuckled grip as he described traveling though time and space. According to Edgar he had been going for a walk and a smoke after dinner, contemplating various matters of trivial import, when suddenly things got weird. In his own words: "...and then, I voyaged though the eye of the needle where I was witness to the New Gods of the Old Land and sat beside the hearth of creation..." His detailed accounting is far too long to be written here. Needless to say, none of Edgar Longfellow's tale is verifiable. Yet, there is one bit of strangeness that remains. The bottle that Edgar claimed to pick up was for a brand of liquor that no one had ever heard of before. There was label depicting a cactus and then in small script below, it simply read: "Viajero, organic mescal, bottled proudly since 3002." 🌵😱🌵 This painting is for a group show @laluzdejesus this March!

"A Gathering of Magi" 18x36 Oil on Panel 2018
This painting is a legendary depiction of some of the Quartz Embassy's most powerful mages converging in the arms of a giant Saguaro to enact a ritual so unfathomable to the human brain that it's very description would be mind-shattering. From left to right: ZELLOCK: the contemplative one, Plan Master, and lord of none; GRIMSCALE: the blind, around is neck hangs a portrait of RANCRAM-CRAM, one of the most gruesome Zedi Reticulan serial killers, and patron saint of perseverance; DOU-DOU: father of 10,000 spells, father of 10,000 dances; and finally CHRISSSS: drinker of dream blood. 🌵👽🌵👽🌵👽🌵👽 This was my last painting of 2018, wahoo! BTW, because of this painting's unusual long and skinny scale, it was really hard to photograph. It looks more magical in real life. ✨🤓

"A Separation" 14x18 oil on panel 2018. In the 1901 case often referred to as the "Rusty Gut Incident", Rusty Godfrey claimed that aliens cured his appendicitis. While land prospecting with his wife, Rusty became terribly sick. Being a doctor himself, he knew right away that his appendix had burst. Unfortunately the couple were four days from the nearest town and his chances where looking slim. As Rusty's symptoms became life threatening, a light suddenly shot down from the heavens, and Rusty was torn in half! He was brought on board a flying vessel where he received psychic space surgery from cloaked extraterrestrial magicians. Rusty was returned to Earth fully healed. Strangely, the cosmic appendectomy left him blind in his left eye and was also responsible for a newly acquired obsessive addiction to gold....which Rusty would eat whenever the opportunity presented itself. 👽😷👽This painting is for sale through @redtruckgallery and will be on display in the Red Truck booth for @littletopia during the @laartshow this January.🖖

"Into the Dream House" 16x20 Oil on Panel 2018. The sudden manifestation and subsequent disappearance of phantom dwellings (or "Dream Houses") spotted in the western desert is a phenomenon that has been recorded in the oral histories of native peoples dating back many thousands of years. Historians and archaeologists disagree on the exact nature of these strange buildings, but nearly all folklorists agree the these Houses are of the supernatural. Witnesses have described the rarely seen inhabitants of these structures as non-human. According to legend, he or she who enters a Dream House will taste the forgotten tears of millions, hear the screams of dragons, and live in the heavens as a star made of solid gold before they turn to dust, only to be reincarnated as one of fabled, all-knowing, and immoral "Znerritu"---which in the Old Tongue translates to, "Lord or Lady of the Dawn Cactus". At least....that's what one legend says. 🌵🏠👽

"Prosper on the Path" 48x24 Oil on Panel 2018. 🌵👽🌵 It was a poke from the thorn of a strange and unfamiliar---and potentially venomous---cactus that caused Everett Potter to fall into a deep slumber lasting 3 hours. He didn't notice the potted succulent sitting on the bar to his right, until he turned at a sudden noise as another of the Saloon's patrons drunkenly toppled a stool. As Everett quickly twisted to view the commotion, he stabbed his arm on the purple spiny cactus and instantly blacked out as if he had been shot with a poisoned blow dart. .....and there in his dream mind, he saw a doorway....and through this doorway, he found himself upon a plateau floating in space.....where he found himself kneeling before a robed humanoid being: A Level 11 Fate-Maker/Path-Priest from the Quartz Embassy here to intervene on behalf of the universe!! The Priest explained to Everett that he had been summoned for loosing faith in his dream of becoming a boutique doorknob maker. In fact, Everett had been lamenting in beer all afternoon doubting his skill at custom doorknob crafting, and it's viability as a profitable and worthwhile career. The Priest explained that the universe had chosen this path for Everett and he indeed would be successful in his highly specialized trade! And if he failed to follow the path, the universe with begin to fray at the edges and to prevent this the Priest would go back in time and stab his grandmother to death with a magic sword, ending his bloodline so that he was never born. Everett, who loved his grandma, continued to make doorknobs for the rest of his life. ⚔️🤙This painting is my contrubution to @artbasel 2018 in Miami with @redtruckgallery and it is based off of a tarot card reading that I received earlier this summer; its true meaning and symbolism are a secret.

"A Light in the Dark Place" 20X30 oil on Panel 2018. Not too long ago in human-years, a man from space met a beautiful and captivating woman from earth who lived in a hole. This earth woman was very clever and talented, yet very sad, because she couldn't get out of the depression she was stuck in. She had been down in the pit for most of her life, living among demons that whispered terrible lies to her while she drank tequila in the dark. The spaceman sat at the edge of hole getting the know the woman for quite some time, and quickly fell in love. Seeking to aid the earth woman with her problem, the spaceman lowered a glowing crystal into the pit and the light in the darkness illuminated a ladder: a way out. Upon this revelation the woman shook her head said that ladders never worked for her. It was just no use. She was forever trapped in the depression. The spaceman then offered to get the earth woman out of the hole and away from the demons by using the teleportation ray on his saucer. Again, the woman refused his help. Stubbornly, she refused the use of an excavation robot, a laser escalator, and jet shoes. She claimed that there was just simply NO WAY OUT of the hole and that the spaceman couldn't help. No one could help. The earth woman got very drunk one night and told the spaceman she wanted him to leave. So, sadly, the spaceman flew for the stars and never saw her again, but she never left his 7-valved alien heart. 💔👽

"Day of the Colossus" 10x8 oil on panel 2018. Frank Oswald fell asleep one night and awoke in a strange land where he was met by three tiny humanoids. They told Frank that his coming--THE DAY OF THE COLOSSUS--had been whispered about in the sands of time. As the ground quaked, the tiny humanoids pointed toward the line of erupting volcanoes on the horizon and said that Frank had been called to their world as their savior, to rescue them from the doom and destruction their planet was about to face. Frank smirked and calmly explained to the three humanoids that despite being in this strange situation, he was the farthest thing from their savior. In fact, Frank had fallen asleep in a prison cell after his recent apprehension for long spree of stealing and murdering. Thinking he could roast these little people over a fire for his dinner later, Frank stuffed the humanoids into his pockets......and that is when some unknown power magically transported Frank back into his prison cell on earth. A few hours later Frank was hung in the middle of town, and the three humanoids where taken in by the sheriff's ancient grandmother who was turning 101 that day. She let them live in a bird house on her front porch. All three learned how to ride birds.🌋👽🌋👽🌋👽This one was a commission and despite being super tiny--I had to paint the main character crouched down so he could fit on the panel--it was really fun to paint!!

"Dream Breaker” 20x16 Oil on Panel 2018. I have been obsessed with the supernatural for as long as I can remember and this painting basically illustrates my biggest childhood fear. Perhaps brought on by watching too many XFiles episodes, and similar shows, not to mention the countless books that I read on the subject; the bumps in the night, and creaking noises of my childhood home as I lay down to sleep were always cause for alarm as I imagined them to be the footsteps of extraterrestrial beings walking on my ceiling.

"Void Walkers" 20x16 Oil on Panel 2018. This is a standard depiction of one of the various portals the Visitors use to gain access to the Earth. This star bridge connects directly to the Quartz Embassy, a vast crystal Pyramid which is the home of the visitors as well as a vessel for incorporeal souls awaiting body replacement. Cactuses are highly prized and coveted by both the Reptilians and Grays for their telepathic properties. Human skulls are also collected and brought to the Quartz Embassy for science, for magic, and for fun. This painting was for Arch Enemy’s "The Void" group show which opened in October 2018 in Philadelphia.

"The Excavation" 24X36 Oil on Panel 2018. The story of the Mole Man all happened about 100 years ago. The legend goes that three men were leaving a bar in an Eastern Oregon ghost town early in the morning when they encountered a giant alien being who requested their help. This alien, while large in stature, did not have the strength needed for it's intended task. It asked the three men if they would help it by digging a hole in the ground to unearth an artifact burred since the beginning of time, in exchange for amazing gifts. The men, all still slightly intoxicated, agreed. After the project was completed 3 years later and the mysterious artifact was loaded aboard the aliens's vessel, the alien used it's second brain to conjure magical gifts for each of the three men. The first man was given the ability to see anywhere into the future and a barrel of diamonds, the second man was gifted with a supreme understanding of all languages and a pony made out of gold, while the the third was gifted extremely long and fantastic fingernails. This third man when into a crazed jealous rage and immediately clawed his companions to death, but tripped and fell into the hole. They say he is still out there on the outskirts of an Eastern Oregon ghost town, and is now known.....as the Mole Man.

"A Demonstration of Her New Powers" 18 X 24 Oil on Panel 2018. In 1901 Elinor Robins discovered a meteorite in a crater near her home in Little Tooth, Arizona. The bumpy metallic meteor was the size of an ostrich egg, and as Elinor held it in her hands, it suddenly snapped in half and broke open. In the center of the meteorite, and to her utter astonishment, was a chocolate-chip cookie, fresh baked, and still warm as if just from the oven. Unable to resist the sweet mouthwatering aroma, Elinor couldn't help herself. She gobbled up the cookie right then and there. Full and satisfied, she curled up in the crater left by the meteorite and slept for five days, all the while having the most incredible dreams about stars and planets, galaxies and the universe. When she awoke she found that she could now do things that she couldn't do before. Amazing things that no one else had ever done. Elinor could hold onto shadows, hear the sound of gravity, and form sunbeams into sold marbles. She could walk though walls and sink into the earth, swimming under the ground among the minerals and dinosaur bones as if the land were made of water. Elinor could now fly. And so, she formed a prism of light around herself and soared into space to seek out the origin of the meteorite containing the cookie that changed her life.

"An Unexpected Summoning" 12x16 Oil on Panel 2018. Through a series of random occurrences, spoken words, gestures, intentions, and perfectly timed celestial events, Grover Martinez opened up a small worm hole when operating a hand bellows, and called forth an alien being of vast and unlimited power. This god-like being was known in many other galaxies as Belleron World Destroyer. Grover, thinking that he had summoned a Genie, immediately wished for money, muscles, and a mule, but Belleron World Destroyer did not grant wishes. Belleron destroyed worlds ....and he needed an assistant. Belleron took Grover his wing, (or over-sized clawed hand) and they ventured forth to conquer and eradicate all life in the universe. They were totally stopped, but that is a different story. 

"In The Path of Totality" 24 X 34 Oil on Panel 2018. The legend of the 1913 solar eclipse over Two Tales, Nevada will forever remain a shadow haunting this now deserted western ghost town. Located directly in the path of totality, people came from all over to witness this rare celestial event. All heads turned toward the sky as the moon passed before the sun, temporarily blocking out the daylight to reveal a dazing array of stars......and according to legend, that's not all they saw. At the point of totality, magnificent vessels descended from the sky and from these vessels came inhuman beings. According to relatives of the only survivor, the beings communicated directly into the minds of the people in the crowd indicating that they had come in peace to offer their advanced knowledge, wisdom, and the gift of eternal life. ...And that is when the killing started. Unknown to the space visitors, the people of Two Tales already had their own space religion handed down by a different race of aliens 33.3 years before and this event had been prophecy. The earthlings began shooting, stabbing, kicking, and punching the shit of the visitors. The earth people ate the alien bodies to harvest their knowledge, and flew away in the space crafts. According to legend, only one alien survived, and all the people flew into space.

"The Excursion" 18x24 Oil on Panel 2018. In the spring of 1894 a gold miner in Arizona encountered three terrible beings floating through the desert in levitating boat. They floated to a stop in front of the miner's home and took command of his body by use of a weird glowing light. The first being, an imposing bird-headed figure introduced itself as Broggg, High Death Priest of the Outer-Sky Keep; the next one, a grey humanoid with black eyes, was called Zebuldawn, royal clothier of the Quartz Embassy; and the last creature stared at the miner with unblinking reptilian eyes and said, psychically, that his name was Frank, and then commanded the miner to give them all of the gold he had been mining. While he the did as he was ordered, High Death Priest Broggg began to impart it's space wisdom, a lecture that lasted three days and nights. Broggg described the principals of advanced propulsion systems, shared how astral time travel worked, spoke at length of the benefits of meditation along with a semi-solar diet, and then warned of human-kind's eventual demise at it's own hands. Meanwhile the being called Zebuldawn ate the miner's gold, removed the miner's legs with a laser, implanted a metallic object in the miner's ear, and then re-attached the miner's severed legs while Frank slept. At the conclusion of High Death Priest Broggg's lecture all three re-boarded their strange vessel and Frank set fire to the miner's home. As the miner watched them depart, he thought to himself, "...what a bunch of assholes!" This painting with be on display @redtruckgallery for the Freedom Rock Group Show March 9th!!

"Satellite Sisters" 11x14 Oil on Panel 2018. This small painting is of the Moonstone sisters, Alma and Della, who appeared the town of Mortise Arizona, where they were thought to have been residing in an abandoned boot-maker's store on the edge of town from 1901-1904. During this time, they were usually only seen at night, and two sisters never left each other's side. Due to their unsettling appearance they were regarded with wonder, curiosity, and especially fear, but never ridicule....for one legend appears in the archives about a local drunk, who after stumbling out of this usual watering hole late in the evening, encountered the Moonstone sisters. Boozed-up and belligerent, he began to yell and taunt the sisters. Then, as the drunk was about to toss his beer bottle at them, a witness reported seeing the the drunk's skin melt and sizzle like bacon. No one ever bothered them again. The sisters were said to have strange powers, like the ability to walk though walls, predict the future, levitate, chew gold, and communicate with cactus. During the time the Moonstone sisters were living in Mortise, it was said that the town's crops flushed, more babies were born, and people were happier and healthier than ever.....and then in 1904 everyone vanished.

"Recognition of Imminent Woe" 15 X 30 Oil on Panel 2017. Last painting of 2017 YAY!! I know this year has been really challenging for so many people and was no exception for me either. In addition to our post-election-Apocalypse paradigm, I experienced quite a few unexpected life changes and challenges. In the end I think I am better off for overcoming these obstacles and the one thing that has always gotten me through all the good times and the all the bad, has been making art and painting. Thanks for all the likes and comments this year!! I am also super grateful for my family, my friends, @redtruckgallery and @north_barpdx This painting will be showing with Red Truck Gallery in the @littletopia exhibit in the LA Art show Jan 10th-14th. I am actually attending this year, and I am mega-excited to meet some of my heroes, see a ton of amazing art, check out lots of galleries, and party with the Red Truck gang in Los Angeles. Fuck Yeah!! .............also this painting is an illustration of how earthquakes actually happen. Cheers!!

"The Introduction" 24X20 oil on panel 2017. In Eastern Oregon during the fall of 1899, Opal Lancaster, hiked to the top of a ridge one morning and encountered a beautiful being that radiated warmth and love. As a devout Christian, Opal, knew right away that she was in the presence on an Angel. Sure enough, this being confirmed her belief and told her that indeed it was an Angel, and that she had been chosen.....chosen to meet GOD!!!! Opal was overjoyed. Little did she know, that this Angel was infact a malevolent Zeta Reticulan level 3 Nightmare Whisperer who was about to feed her fears and humanity to an Outer-World creature of devastating power. Opal totally survived and had a super happy life. 🤘👽

"The Muse (A Revelation of the Unfathomable)" 16X20 Oil on Panel 2017. Back in fall of 1910 Bill Cogwheel reported being visited by a "Muse" at his home in the mountains of Colorado. Up until this point he was known as a real salt-of-the-earth guy: hard working, honest, and maybe a bit dull. That all changed when Bill rushed into town one day covered in livid facial sores and raving that he had been visited by a "Muse". He said that this "Muse" came down from the heavens, looked into Bill's head and then filled it with wild inspiration. "More ideas than there are stars in the sky," Bill said, and he claimed to now know the EXACT number of stars in the sky. Right away he got to work writing down all his ideas, making plans, and drafting blueprints for "machines" at a frantic pace. People thought that he was off his rocker, and maybe he was, but we will never know because Bill Cogwheel died a month later as a terrible illness overtook him. There was no true evidence of this claimed visitation, and most of Bill's writings were lost over the years except for an ominous half-finished blueprint, entitled: "The Stop Time Machine".

"Wasteland Loner" 8 X 10 Oil on Panel 2017. This little portrait is my contribution to the "Creature Feature" group show opening October 27th @redtruckgallery in New Orleans. This painting is based on the true story of the "Snake-Man" of Tortoise, Arizona, who was first seen in October of 1897. It was said that he appeared suddenly, as if by magic, in the Lost Hand Saloon. The patrons were so horrified by his terrifying reptilian visage and alarming crimson eyes that most of the clientele fled for the doors. Those that stayed reported that the "Snake-Man" casually took a seat alone at the far corner of the bar, tipped his tiny hat, and introduced himself to the bartender as Harvey McDowell. The stranger didn't order anything, but asked the bartender if he had seen his beloved, "Abigail", and described her has a beautiful young woman with red hair, and eyes the color of night. When the bartender replied that he hadn't seen her, Harvey McDowell seemed to vanish. One minute he was seated at the bar, the next minute, he was gone. To this very day, startling reports of a Snake-Man looking for his beloved continue to surface every few years in the town of Tortoise, Arizona

"Routine Equine Enchantment" 18 X 24 oil on panel 2017 Hey don't worry!! No animals were harmed, or probed, or dismembered in the making of this painting. I'm totally a vegan, okay folks! But seriously, this is a standard depiction of living horse's head being dissected by a Zeta Reticuli death surgeon, in which most of the creature's tissue is teleported onto a black hole space lab for the ritual dream-harvest and blood-dance. In a few short minutes the roan's head is neatly reassembled and the beast notices very little if nothing, except now the horse is completely enthralled to the alien death surgeon. Note: this type of enchantment is more commonly performed on humans.

"Exposing the Shrouded Depths" 20X16 oil on panel 2017. When offered a brief glimpse into her private world, he realized that he never actually knew her. Can you truly know anyone? This epiphany was equity fascinating, horrifying, and heartbreaking because---and as history had already shown him---similar discoveries most assuredly lay in the grim future ahead.

"His Instructions" 10 X 8 Oil on Panel 2017. Mind control over the humans was pivotal during the conquest of the late 1800's. The Grays employed hypnosis, and various telepathic techniques to further the harvest of gold and other precious metals for their food supply. They also used their powers to just fuck with people for fun. BTW, photographing a really small oil painting is super hard.

"Their Bittersweet Conclusion" 24 X 18 Oil on Panel 2017 "When she chose the vastness of deep space, he knew there was no changing her mind. Dispirited, he rejoined the extraterrestrial colony......where a new tale was about to unfold." A sorrowful yet moving western drama about friendship, compassion, and love, featuring a giant alien and an electric space portal, all based on a true story. 👽🌵

"The Coronation" 16x20 Oil on Panel 2017. In the spirit of their most successful human/animal hybridization project long ago in ancient Egypt, the Zedi Reticulian Gray's began experimenting again in the early 1900's. This time in Arizona. Unfortunately the first and final subject in the second project--the human/jackass-hybrid--was a complete fucking failure. And I can totally relate to that, as I often feel like a human/jackass-hybrid myself. HEEHAA!! (Donkey noise)🐴🏜👽

"The Departure" 9X12 oil on panel 2017. This little painting is currently in Buffalo NY at Revolution Gallery I painted this one for their Sonic Splendor group show in which all the artists were asked make a piece based off of a song. The song I chose was "Take Me Away" by the Blue Oyster Cult. (The Live Version) This one was actually kind of hard to paint because the girl's face is smaller than my thumb. Oh yeah..... That BOC song is totally about aliens, surprise, surprise. 🚀👽💔

"Prayers to the Magi" 24 x 18 Oil on Panel 2017. The Ancient One manifested in answer to their call.....and they were never seen again. All that remained was a letter describing their eventual return in the year 3092 after the nuclear radiation from the 21st century Apocalypse subsided. After meditating for hundreds of years with the Ancient One, they promised to return to earth with an extremely chill CBD/THC strain that would not only cure every disease, but also cure the world. 

"Dissimulation Reversal" 14 X 11 Oil on Panel 2017. A very rarely witnessed depiction of a Zeta Reticuli Gray removing their living homo sapien costume in a physically and spiritually exhaustive process known as, Dissimulation Reversal and Augmented Manifestation Alignment (D.R.A.M.A.). Also I painted my cat in here for fun. His name is Panther and he is a 20lb Russian Blue.